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How to wean 3 year old that is still breastfeeding
I have a baby girl and she is now 3 years old. I have been breastfeeding her the entire time since she was born. About a year ago my doctor suggested I start weaning her off of my breastmilk so that she would start eating solid foods more. I just can't seem to break her of it though. She will cry and cry at certain times of the day until I let her nurse. I don't want her to go without, and I don't want to cut her off cold turkey, but I know I need to be weaning her. How do I do this right? I've read a few stories about children being insecure because of their mothers suddenly weaning them too quickly. I know she needs time, but how do I do it? Thank you.
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La Lache League's advice is: Don't offer, don't refuse. I found it worked will with all three of mine.
This leads to child led weaning, the most gentle way of weaning for mom and child. Nurse her when she wants to, don't bring up the subject. Offer her new things to eat and do so she's not nursing out of boredom, and relax, it will happen.
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There is absolutely nothing wrong with you weaning you baby at 3 years old. Seriously, people take the 2 year old rule too seriously sometimes.
The truth is, a lot of babies get comfortable from snuggling up to Mommy and having a delightful treat or snack. It's quite natural and isn't anything to be worried about that she doesn't want to stop. The only problem here is that you simply cannot end up breastfeeding an 8 year old and feel acceptable, you know? At 3 this is a fine behavior but once she gets school-aged things would turn a little, well, not good.
Take things slowly so that she doesn't develop the insecurities or feel like she's suddenly unloved because she is aging and getting to be bigger.
She cries because she gets pleasure from it. She likes to cuddle up and relax with you. She likes the comfort "food" that is supplied. She likes that attention. She likes being held. It's understandable to get upset when, suddenly, you can't enjoy one of your favorite activities any more!
Start by trying to cut out one feeding per every month. You can start by skipping a feeding session every few days, where instead of feeding you two do something else together during that time. Eventually you'll get to a reduction--where you use to feed, say, 4 times a day you usually feed only 3 times a day. As the months go on, you can lower the sessions. If it takes you two months to cut out one session then that's fine, too. Progress is progress and some parents will just have to spend a little extra time working with the little one.
Instead of feeding during that time, cuddle up together where you would usually feed at, having a little snack that's appropriate together, read a book, or watch an interesting show together. Make sure she knows you're interested in hugging, cuddling, and holding her even though she isn't latching onto your breast for milk. That cuddling is essential for her mental development. Let her know she's loved equally even though she isn't having her usual snack.
Try to make specific times you are willing to feed her. If she isn't already on a schedule then one needs to be created. This way she knows that no matter what there will be certain times each day where Mommy will be devoted to holding her--feeding or not. As she ages you will be able to cut down cuddle time, too, but for now 30 minutes here-and-there shouldn't be too much a problem if you're already still breastfeeding.
If you can pump then you can always keep a little breastmilk on hand for cuddle time. Instead of her feeding directly from her, give her the opportunity to have milk from a bottle or, preferably, a little sippy cup. She still gets cuddles and her favorite treat then without having to latch on and become a little bit of an embarrassment if company is over.
Take things slowly. You know your child. Don't just cut her off, like you have heard. It isn't good. She doesn't "get" things like adults do. She knows she likes to cuddle and feel your warmth. She knows she likes the milk that comes out. Just try to make cuddle time still with alternative snacks, alternative ways to have the milk, or just time to be together (again, reading is a GREAT thing to start doing at this age--you can really help her LOVE books already).
There isn't anything wrong with your child or you. You're doing a great job if you haven't been so frustrated you've cut her off already. Some parents just don't understand "emotional development" like others do. Your doctor isn't going to be angry if he/she finds out the little one isn't weaned yet. All children are on their own level and own speed. Take it slowly with her and show her you still care about her even when she isn't feeding. Spend time together just cuddling sometimes. It'll help her to give up the nursing desire while letting her know that growing up isn't scary and she's still just as loved as before.
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