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What to do - Lottery tickets
17/f
What are the use of lottery tickets anyway? Do you just depend on luck and just guess numbers? Gosh, I hate it. I hate seeing my dad trying to win money. I hate seeing him stay up at night trying to fill out lottery tickets. It's just too sad for me to see. I just want to cry whenever I see that. I know that we're not a very rich family. My family is sick. And I don't mean sick by "cool". But sick as my family members are not healthy. My dad and my sister with their skin. My mom and her internal problems, knowing that she might have cancer and that me and my sister might have inherited it too. Hopefully not. It sucks. I hate sitting here having to watch all of this happen. I'm not blaming myself for these things. These things just happen. But out of all people why choose us? Not that another family would be better, but nobody wants to see their own family members go through struggles. I just wish I can do something about it to help them. I work a lot. But they cut my hours down since the sales aren't doing very well. I'm trying hard on school, I'm spending more time with school work. Giving my parents 100 - 200 dollars on Christmas and New years isn't going to help is it? What can I even do to make myself feel better and not think about it? I can't. I try being more respectful and nicer.
I say goodnight, good morning, I try not to give them a hard time. I try helping out. The simple things that won't get them angry. I just don't want them to disappear one day, depressed and stressed out. I want them to leave peacefully knowing that everything is fine. They are the greatest parents in the world. Without any struggles. I hope they will see me grow up and get married, so I can put both into retirement.
At the same time, I'm trying not to stress out too much because stress is usually the main source that leads to illness. I know that I'm going to continue to pray that everything will be okay, and that these are just obstacles. I hope that God received those prayers and is actually listening.
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I know how you feel sweet heart and what you are doing now is amazing. There isnt much you can do other than being there for your family. Hugs and I love yous help a lot. I will defintly pray for you and your family. Don't put your self down hun you are doing an amazing job now.
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You are an amazing girl, I am in awe of your sensitivity. It sounds very much like your family has been through a lot, and there's a lot of depression. It sounds also like maybe you might just be "the strong one" in your family, and the others tend to lean on you. It's wonderful you have God, everyone needs God or some sort of religion to comfort and guide them; and God IS listening, never doubt that - He just doesn't always answer us the way we expect Him to.
The lottery tickets - they're just a ray of hope, a rainbow - when someone has been beaten down and disappointed so many times in life, it's something to reach for - something that *could* happen, and when disillusionment weighs you down and you look around one day and realize your life is half over, and so many things you dreamed of have never come to pass - well, the lottery is just a hope that's simple and safe; no one can take that hope away - there's always that chance.
I have a few ideas for you; I sense you were very emotional when you wrote this, and I know I don't have the whole story, but just from what you've said, I have a few ideas...
I sense your parents may not know how you feel. You try so hard to help them, and you hurt so much inside because they are so unhappy, and you don't want to burden them further - so you put on a nice, happy face and hide your fears and your pain so they won't be hurt even more; if that is how it is, think of this: sometimes, when someone is depressed about how their own life is going, and overwhelmed with worry over their own problems, helping out with someone else's problems is a relief - it gets their mind off their own worries. If you've hidden all your fears and pain, maybe letting your parents know about some of it will jolt them out of worrying over their own problems and they might cheer up enough, just because they have a reason to - that reason being, to help you.
There are places to go to get help - counseling and financial help. Every state has programs. They are a big pain, and it's a lot of red tape, and when you're depressed sometimes you don't have the motivation to make the first step. Maybe if you could make the first step for them, they will pick it up from there, and try to find a way to get help. Get the forms and leave them with the mail or something, maybe with a note that someone suggested it as an option or you read about it somewhere. Don't let pride stop you - we pay our taxes so that we can get help when we need it.
You're a young, sensitive, caring young woman. You have your entire life ahead of you. Try not to let your family hold you back. That might sound heartless - but it's not; just remember that you are in control of your own destiny - if you don't want to live the way your family lives, you will be an adult soon, and you won't have to. Choosing to live differently doesn't mean you would be turning your back on your family.
No matter what the situation is - the best way to handle overwhelming, numerous worries is to take stock of your situation, piece by piece. Start anywhere, with anything that is worrying you - write it down if you want - then ask yourself: "Can I do anything about this?" If the answer is no, then push it away - practice not worrying about it - practice not thinking about it; push it out of your head. There is no guilt in that. Worrying about things you cannot do anything about is wasting energy.
Once you eliminate everything you can't do anything about, your list of worries should be much shorter. Then you will ask, for each item: "WHAT can I do about this?" If you worry without trying something, then you're wasting energy, again.
If you go through your list of worries, practice keeping those you can't do anything about out of your mind, and focus on doing something, even if it's just a little something, about what you CAN do something about, you'll soon start feeling better.
Maybe you can teach your family how to do it, too. Maybe you can show them.
Finally - you have to remember that you can't control what your family is going to feel or what they're going to do. You can try to help, you can make suggestions, but they are the only ones who can truly do something about it. Let go of the responsibility; you cannot fix their lives for them. You can love and support them and you can help, but that's all you can do. If you have done all you can do, you have to let go of it and focus on living your life. Keep praying, and keep caring, but don't take their problems on your shoulders, and don't let yourself feel guilty for things you can do nothing about.
My heart goes out to you - truly. You're having to deal with issues no one just starting their life should have to deal with. It WILL make you stronger - try to see it that way. Always work to find the bright side of things, the good inside the bad.
Good luck to you, and have no doubt that your heart is in the right place and you should not feel guilty about your family's problems - you are obviously very sensitive and care very much; no one can ask for more than that. Do what you can and have no guilt for living your own life beyond that. You are a person just as they are - you must do what is right for you, just as they must. You must do what will make you happy.
God Bless
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