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mixed signals from a guy
18/f -sorry if this is really long, but i really need some advice!!
Last week, I was on vacation (close to home) and I met this guy there; he is younger than me but definitely on the same level as me. He lives about 20 minutes away from me. He is actually one of the most interesting and mature teenagers I know. I have never met anyone like him and I really want to spend more time with him because of this. We ended up hanging out the entire day and night that we first met. We also made plans to hang out again. I REALLY like him as a person, and i'm also pretty attracted to him. Since we met, I cannot stop thinking about him.
Here is what the problem is. When I met this guy, I was in a year-long relationship with this other guy. After I got home from vacation, nothing felt right with my then-boyfriend. I didn't break up with my boyfriend specifically because I met this new guy (there are other reasons that our relationship was going downhill, but meeting this new guy made me realize that I need to get out of my relationship.) Things are fine with my (ex)boyfriend now; we've decided to be friends and as hard as it is to let go of him, I know that I will be happier if we are friends.
When I was hanging out with the guy that I really like (that I met on vacation) he knew that I had a boyfriend, yet I could definitely feel the chemistry between us. I don't want to initiate anything though, because I don't want to freak this guy out or assume that he wants to be with me. After all, he could be a huge player; I don't know because I only hung out with him for one day (even though I feel like I've known him forever, and I didn't get a huge player vibe.) I don't even know if he likes me for sure. He might just think of me as a friend.
Some of the things that he did while we were hanging out made me think that he was into me. First of all, the fact that he gave me his number.
I didn't ask him for his number; he asked me for my phone and he put his number in my phone. To me this is significant because my friend (that was visiting me while I was on vacation) wrote him a flirty note with her number in it before she left, and he tactfully declined once she was gone.
Other things: In the middle of conversation, he said, "I'm not coming onto you, but you're pretty." and while we were on the beach, he carved me this stick and told me to keep it forever. And he took pictures of himself with my phone so that "i won't forget him." When it was cold during the night and I was wearing a teeshirt, he gave me his sweatshirt. His friend and I were making plans to hang out again, and he said not to go without him. And when we had to leave, he gave me a huge hug.
I get it that this guy thought I had a boyfriend, so I shouldn't jump to conclusions and think that he's in love with me. I get that.
What I'm worried about is that once he gave me his number, he told me to text him and say "hey it's (my name)." So i did text him that day. And I told him that I did, but he said that his phone was off because when we were on vacation we both had pretty bad service. Then right after he got back from vacation, he went to skateboarding camp for this week.
I never got a text back from him. I added him on facebook and myspace, but he accepted me without saying anything. I really want to hang out with him before this summer ends, (and there's not much time because school starts soon) but I don't want him to think that I'm desperate, so I haven't texted him since. I don't know what to think.
I feel like if he really liked me, he would have at least texted me back when I sent him that message that day.
On one hand, he could be thinking that I don't want to talk to him because I have a boyfriend. (I haven't talked to him since, so he doesn't know that we broke up) Maybe he just isn't a big texter. Or maybe he's a huge player and doesn't REALLY want to see me again. There's so much going through my head that I don't know what to think. What do you think? Could there be a reason that he hasn't texted me? Should I text him again? I was thinking that I could text him now that he's back from skateboarding camp and ask him if he still wants to hang out and mention specific places that we said we wanted to go with each other.
In my mind I'm kind of obsessing over this, but there's no way I will show him that I am in any way obsessed. What should I do?? And what do you think is going through his mind?
Thank you so much.
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I'd send him a message on facebook. Keep it somewhat short (in other words, he doesn't want a novel showing up in his inbox) and ask how skateboarding camp was. Mention a couple places to hang out, and give him YOUR number too :]
This way, if he's still interested (at least a little) he'll have the option of checking your profile for your relationship status, pics of a boyfriend, etc. Neither of you seem stalkerish this way =P and no I'm not saying you were haha.
If you do indeed hang out again, the conversation will eventually lead to your (now ex)boyfriend. Make it clear that the two of you are broken up & that you're single now :]
If after attempting to contact him, and it's obvious he's read it, he probably saw what you "had" as a harmless little thing. Again, it's difficult to know for sure, because sometimes guys just don't text back. Or they forget, erase your message before saving your number, crush their phones at skateboarding camp. You know. Normal occurences.
Good luck :)
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Hey there,
First of all.. no question is too long ;) Here's what I think: If you take him as a mature guy, I believe his intentions were true. Not many guys are able to express their feelings in a sincere way, unless they are mature. I am glad that you settled your feelings with one guy and let him go to try to get the guy you have more feelings for. Cleaning out the past is good for a fresh start.
When this guy personally punched his number into your phone, it was definately a flirt. He is saying 'hey, im here. I just put my number in your phone and I hope you will text me sometime' and him letting you know that he declined your friend is a way of showing you that he is (likely) availible for you. Also, making his comment about you being 'pretty' meant he is attracted to you, but he doesn't know if he'd want to have sex with you. He definately wants you to remember him when he carved you the stick, probably wanted you in his arms when he gave you the sweater, and didn't want you to go alone with his friends for he may have thought you'd like them more.
If he is an honest guy (and you had that vibe), he most likely did just have bad service that day when you texted him. Plus, vacation is a time to get out there, so he may have been doing an outside activity or something that is keeping him occupied, such as his skateboarding camp would.
If you want to hang out with this guy, I would text him every odd day just saying "how are you today?" or "what have you been up to lately?". He sounds like a busy guy, but if he is interested, he will definately answer eventually. If you do text him the odd day or only a few times a week, you will only seem interested not desperate.
It doesn't usually matter to a guy whether you have another boyfriend or not. If they like you, they will try to gain your attention, see if you like them, try to make you come to their side, and attempt to make you theirs. I think he is trying to respect your space (it may be cuz of your boyfriend or he could just be a nice person). Once he is sure that you are interested.. and you are able to gain time alone with him in person, he will show his true colors.
One thing that could be possible, but it doesn't sound like this guy.. is that he only gave you his number to see if he was still attractive. As in, he may have only wanted a summer fling.. but then from his actions towards you, I still doubt that. I would definately text him (odd days), see if he is availible, let him pick the day (since if he picks it, he will feel more obligated to come), spend some alone time with him, then see how it all fans out.
I believe he has true feelings for you and he probably hopes you will make the first move. It sounds as if he wants to take care of you, but he wants to know that he is the only guy on your mind. Spending time together is the only way you will know what he is feeling for sure and will help you to straighten things out. What a guy shows you in person, pretty much represents what kind of guy he is. If you were feeling chemistry, likely he was too ;)
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