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why do i always want the bad boy?!?!
Why do I always go for the guys who are going to hurt me??? My ex brutally broke and ripped apart my heart and yet now that I have this new caring, amazing boy, I just can't bring myself to... I don't know like him? I do like him but I still want my ex. I want this guy from another school that's a huge player... I want jerks! I don't understand why I'm attracted to jerks... I like the cocky arrogant sports stars and the smooth but cheating players. Why??? I want to give my heart to this new boy but I'm just not attracted to him like I am to the jerks and bad boys. I need help!! (I am fifteen, female)
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I'm close to your age and am the same. I think it's quite a common problem for females. There are lots of possible reasons for it, and it all depends on who you are as a person. But I'll outline some possible reasons.
Low self-esteem can sometimes cause it. You might not feel worthy enough of anyone that treats you right, so you stick with people that don't.
You might be afraid of getting hurt. I say this, and I know what you're thinking - 'surely if I go for bad boys, I'm going to get hurt, so I can't be afraid of getting hurt'. Yes, you are going to get hurt, but with a bad boy or a player, you know you're going to get hurt. Even if you're in denial, deep down you know he's going to hurt you. But if you let someone in who seems like a genuine good guy, you won't expect him to hurt you, so it will be all the more painful if he does, and so you stay away from him. You don't want to get your expectations up and get hurt. I was listening to a song recently, which went, 'You know I'd love you if I knew you'd let me down', which I think is saying the same thing.
You might be afraid of getting close or of commitment. So you go for someone you know will let you down and therefore won't leave you in a committed relationship.
You might not think it, but a lot of us believe that we'll be the one to change him. Even if our rational mind is saying otherwise, somewhere inside, we hope that we'll be the one to change him. No one else will understand but it will be just us who sees the good in him. Know what I mean?
And of course, there are the much more shallow aspects. I'm not going to lie, I know this is one of the reasons for me and it could well be one of the reasons for you too. It looks cool to have a bad boy on your arm. Bad boys are fun and wild and dangerous. Everything's exciting with him. Let's face it, bad boys are sexy.
And then there are the simple reasons. Either the 'treat 'em mean, keep 'em mean' way of a bad boy - he treats you mean and you keep coming back because you want to win him over in the end. Or the smooth-talking ways of a player - simple as this, players are good flirts. They'll make you feel special (when they're there, that is) and they'll put you under their spell.
Often, you feel privileged that a bad boy or player would pay any attention to you. Which is ironic, because they're probably 'paying attention to' all other half-decent girls in the vicinity, but it's often the way.
I've found that although their allure is hard to resist, the only boys that I've had really serious feelings for, the only boys where they've felt like my equal rather than an object of admiration, are guys that AREN'T bad boys or players. I think you need to try really hard to avoid bad boys and players, or just spend time with guys that make you happy. Whether they're friends or more, just spend time with them. Eventually, you'll meet someone who deserves you.
As for the guy you're seeing at the moment, maybe stick it out with him for a bit, but if you continue not to feel it, don't stay with him just because he's a nice guy. It's fine not to have feelings for him, just wait until you find a nice guy you do have feelings for. I know it seems impossible, but eventually you will meet that guy.
Hope I helped, x
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its just a fact of life, every girl wants a badboy. lets face it, they're SO much funner than the kid that sits at home doing homework on a friday night. nice guys are great every now and again, but you wanna date someone whom you wouldnt dare bring home to show daddy. why is this? no one knows. maybe its cuz you feel safer with someone you know can kick the shit out of someone. maybe you're truly bad yourself. maybe your a good girl and have been your entire life and now you need to break out. i dunno your story.
but let me tell you this, badboys wont always be bad. once they go to jail for a few years, they come out changed men. i'd know. give this new guy a chance. he actually sounds like he deserves it. and of course you're always going to want your ex, when a guy breaks a girl's heart, shes always going to want him back. its just the way it is.
try to make the best of this new kid, maybe you could turn him bad ;)
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