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Trust issues? Am I being paranoid?
16/f
Me and my bf have been together for a while and we would like to have sex soon...and that's where the story starts...
A year ago,we were in a relationship for 8 months...but then he let me down and I was really dying inside but I didn't let it show.it's a long story really.Now,a year has passed and the old flame has started burning,for both him and me...he really changed and is treating me right...but because I was hurting the way I did,I always think he doesn't love me and wants to use me...even though he never tried anything without my permission...I love him a lot and I wanna give in to my desire but I'm so afraid of him leaving me when he gets what he wants.We have talked about this a lot and he told me a million times he's not like that (which I believe because he had a lot of chances which he didn't take because he knew I'd be hurt by his actions)but still I can't get myself to trust him,but I know I love him.I'm scared of being hurt.Why am I feeling like this?
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then make it about YOU! not him. if you do it just make sure it is because you wanted to. dont do it if he keeps asking. if your in the heat of the moment sure... but you said "we" i would hold off maybe tell him your not ready and if he still wants to be with you then wait untill you have the right time
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Hello, the way you are feeling is totally expected and understandable, you have every right to be slightly paranoid because he gave you a reason to make you think that way unfortunately. So now in your brain it is hard wired to associate those negative feelings he made you feel with him. The good thing is that you are discussing it with him so that he will know why exactly it is that you are slightly afraid to have sex with him, so he knows how upset he made you. I think by you discussing this with him he can understand just how upset his actions made you and if he cares enough about you he will know not to do it again as to salvage your feelings. I have been in this situation before in which it took me a long time to trust my current boyfriend of 1 year to not leave me or hurt me but eventually after time passed he showed me that I had nothing to worry about through his actions and the way he cared for me. I honestly think It will take time for you to be comfortable and trust him again because even though what he did happened in the past it still stuck with you because it hurt you so much. My advice would be to wait it out until you feel comfortable with him and begin to trust him again before you have sex, because it is going to take some time. Another route would be if you feel like he has showed you enough to where you believe he loves you with all his heart and wouldn't dare hurt you again, you should give him a chance and have sex with him, if he seems worthy enough you should because everyone deserves a second chance when they have proved that they have learned their lesson at least. Having sex with him might even strengthen your relationship, because first of all it would bring you closer physically and emotionally, and after you guys have sex when you are still together and he hasn't hurt you it will take all those negative thoughts of him just using you away. You can go with any route I discussed, just do what feels right for you and whatever makes you happy and comfortable. I hope this helped, and if you need any further advice on any of the routes you chose to take or what to do after you have made your decision please don't hesitate to contact me :)..Good luck with everything I'm sure everything will work out for the best!
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Hey there (:
Okay if he hurt you bad its completely normal to feel like this and although you don't want to you can't help yourself. Its understandable and alot of us girls go through it at some stage.
Its going to take time for you to build up that sense of trust again.. Until you feel that again
my advice would be to hold off on sex. Really I mean you are the same age as me 16.. there is no rush?there should be no pressue :)
I think you should just sit down and talk to your bf tell him you wan't to do it but you are not 100% there yet. If You are having doubts over trust or whatever you shouldn't have sex. It needs to feel totally right.
If you talk to your bf and hes understanding about this then he will wait around if he truely loves you and means what he says.
He can't just say its not what he wants he has to prove it by too.
Ive been with my bf almost a year and I knew i wanted him to be my first because I completely trust him. Please don't rush into it if you feel your gonna get hurt again. (: trust your instincts they are almost always 99.9% right!
I hope this made sense and helped some how :) && I hope you take it on board but the choice is completely yours. If it were me I would wait.
Much <3
Jess 16/f
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