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No sex drive after baby
So my husband and I have been married close to two years...together for 5. Since I had my daughter who is 14 months I haven't really been into sex that much...also I have been on anti depresants for a while and that drags down my sex life majorly.
I don't know what to do cause he is kinda needy that way and I feel like I can't be that way.
I don't know if I should try to go off the pills and see if that helps or cut down even more (already cut it to 50 mg from 100).
I just know how he feels and understands I just don't know.
What do you think?
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Just to let you know, I do work in the medical field, but the only license I have is to drive. This is mostly based on speculation and observation.
If it's Zoloft you're talking about (just based on the 50mg or 100mg dose you mentioned), sexual side effects are EXTREMELY common. It's actually one of the reasons Zoloft isn't typially used as much as, say, Wellbutrin, or Citalopram. An acquaintance of mine took Zoloft and had both a decreased sex drive and acid reflux from it. He switched to Wellbutrin and had neither problem. Wellbutrin can cause some anxiety, though.
I suggest you ask your doctor about switching to an SNRI, which includes a norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor, as opposed to an SSRI, which solely inhibits seratonin reuptake.
There are many different types of antidepressants. If you need them, there's no reason to go off of them or to cut them down to the point that they don't even work. If you're depressed, you won't have a sex drive either. :)
Specifically, actually, you need to taper off antidepressants, not just stop taking them. 100mg to 50mg is an okay decrease, but from there you really should have a doctor helping you out with how to taper off them. Some of those meds can have serious withdrawal side effects, or even cause more depression. :
Anyway, if your doctor won't work with you and find a solution for you, find another doctor.
I'm very familiar with antidepressants and other psychiatric drugs. If you have any other questions or need any more specific information, feel free to drop one in my inbox. I always answer. :)
Siren
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This is VERY, VERY common. You are not crazy or messed up. You are experiencing what women all over experience after having kids. I have 2 myself and after the 2nd one it took almost 3 years to get my regular sex drive back. You're tired, you're stressed, plus you're dealing with depression. All that adds up to a lack of sex drive. Not to mention your hormones are all wacky (yes, still, even after 14 months) so you just don't have the same drive you used to. The first thing you should do (if you haven't already) is explain this problem to your doctor. Maybe a different anti depressant is needed. But the BEST thing to do, and I know every woman (including me) hates to hear this, is to go ahead and have sex, even when you don't feel like it. With sex, for us women, its use it or lose it. You won't want it if you never have it. But when you have sex, it activates endorphines and hormones that will "rev" your body up and make you want more. What I do is I make a "sex date". Not very romantic, I know, but every therapist will tell you its actually healthy for a marriage. Ours is Thursdays, but usually what happens is it ends up being more because my body starts wanting more after that. So yeah, its weird and a little annoying at first but then it becomes something real. To help yourself out get some KY jelly. After birth women can become "dry" and it gets more difficult for your body to create natural lubrication. The KY helps. A lot! And the warming KY is kinda fun too. I just told my husband, hey, I need this cuz my body is all wacky, don't get offended. Of course, he was totally cool. He doesn't care. He just wants to be with me. As you're finding out, being a wife and a mother takes a lot of sacrifice. As my mother-in-law says, a man works from sun up to sun down, but a woman's work is never done. Being intimate with your husband is a part of the "job". Sometimes it sucks, sometimes its fun, but it has to be done. So make a date, once a week. Tell yourself you can do this. Its ONE night. Then at least you know you're husband can count on intimacy at least once a week and you don't have to feel so guilty all the time. But I guarantee you that after that one time, you will feel more inclined to do it again. I know I know, none of it is very romantic, but I PROMISE it works. That is marriage. You know how everyone always says it takes work, well, this is one of the parts you have to work for. We never dream in the beginning it will get this way, but that's just a part of life. The good news is you have a husband who is committed to you, and a beautiful family you've created together. You won't feel this way forever. This part of your life is only for a season. With a little effort you will move on to greener pastures in the near future. I do the anti-depressant thing too, so I know how screwy it can get ; ) Good luck to all of you. I know you will be fine.
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i think its a little unfair of him to expect you to have sex with him after haveing a baby as looking after one is hard work,
but if he really needs it then thats sorta to bad lol talk to him ask if he can wait,
if not i am sure you can find something a little different that may make him happier,
but you do what you feel like doing, :)
good luck
and congrats on the baby :)
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