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...there's no answer for this is there?
15/f
I love my ex-boyfriend because he was and is still one of my most important friends. My other close friend, my current boyfriend, and I both love each other very much although he's cold and not open with his feelings very often. (he loves me and says it but never directly) He tries his best and I really appreciate him for it.
My ex attempted suicide a little less than three weeks ago by overdosing on tylenol became very close to needing a liver transplant. It scared the shit out of me. Since then, understandably, he's been an emotional wreck and has placed a lot of pressure on his friends. Almost all of us have left him for himself except for me and one other person in our group.
I love him and care for him a lot as a friend but last night I told him that I wouldn't see him anymore because I was only making anything worse. He's delusional and thinks he's in love with me and threatens to kill himself. I can't handle it and have been struggling to sort out my obligations to him as a friend. I really only want what's best for him and for him to get better so I came to the conclusion that me leaving him alone for the time being was for the best. He's leaving for a mental hospital type of place for the rest of the year after this weekend.
I love both my ex and my current boyfriend very much and care a lot for each of them and they've both gone now. My boyfriends left on a trip for the rest of the summer and I'm probably never going to be able to see my close friend/ex again.
I have abandonment issues and am a very touchy person and feel as if I'm going through some type of withdrawal from living without the presence of my friends. I don't live at home for the majority of the year and don't have much of a family at home. My friends are my family.
We each have emotional issues we've needed to work through. We've all been suicidal, and we've all repressed emotional issues we need to sort out.
My problem is that i'm missing them and I don't know how to handle any of this situation at all. I've no one to talk to at home and all my friends who would be there for me are gone or about to kill themselves or just as unstable as I am. I feel alone and worn out and completely....jaded. I've no idea what i expect from posting this because there's no real question here but, i suppose...i'm not sure if it's an affirmation or answer or anything. I've just no one to go to.
so, yes. I'm apologize for the lengthiness of this and would really appreciate some advise.
thanks
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It appears as if you've got a lot of weight on your shoulders, trying to solve your problems and other people's problems all at once. It's nice to help others, but not at the cost of your sanity.
You did all that you could for you ex, now let the hospital help him. He will get better and then you can go see him. You should go see him seeing as you care a lot for him.
I know how it feels to not have anyone to talk to. Everyone runs to you for advice but you have no one to go to yourself. It's as if there are people around you to talk to but you feel like they can't help you or that they might judge you for the way you are feeling. Go buy a small book and write. That's what I do. I write poems to express my feelings since I do not have anyone else to run to. It's safe and no one can judge you.
As for your need to be with people, why don't you call up a friend who is available this summer spend time with him/her? You don't have to talk about how your feeling or anything, just chill, go out for ice cream or a bike ride to get your mind off stuff. He/she might not be your closest friend, but who knows, maybe you can make a new close friend. I understand it's hard to trust people sometimes, but it really does take time. Just open your heart to the possibilty that there might be someone out there who can listen to you and/or someone who you can just waste time with this summer.
There is always an answer for everything. You can't always find it in books or hear it from others. Sometimes you just have to look within yourself.
If you still need to talk, you can always write back to me.
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