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My mom and I can't seem to stop fighting, i need some help!
I am a 15 year old Female, and am going to be a junior in high school next year.
My mom have had some rough times, including a run-in with CPS, and hard fighting. I always feel controlled, without any freedom. SHe sontrols me by the following:
-watching and monitoring my internet usage
-checking grades for school every other day
-not allowing me to meet up with my friends(the ones with straight A's and good reputations)
-listening in on my phone calls,
-completing background checks on my friends.
Out of all of this, we have done mother-daughter religious retreats, therapy, and talking with the priest, but nothing ever changes. I need some help to be able to talk with her, without yelling and fighting!
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She's your mother. You're 15. She's supposed to control you to a certain degree.
Things like monitoring internet usage and checking your grades are things that good parents should do. A young girl can get in a lot of trouble on the internet (I should know, since I was one not too long ago!), and she's just making sure that her daughter is safe.
The other stuff; the background checks, etc, are way overprotective, but she does have the law on her side. Her house, her rules.
The only way you can stop fighting with her is to stop fighting her rules. Go along with them. Don't complain. Do this for a while, and let things calm down.
Now you have a good base for communication. Once you're not yelling at each other, your mom will be more open to talking to you. Find out from her what you can do to earn her trust. Start small; don't immediately request unsupervised visits with strangers (obviously!). Try something like having two of your mom-approved friends over for a sleepover with her supervision. Warn your friends that you're trying to earn your mom's trust so she'll loosen up, and that you guys all need to be on your best behaviour.
Unfortunately, since you're under her roof and she's not doing anything abusive, you kind of have to suffer till you move out. You can make things smoother, though, by just suffering in silence and working slowly.
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