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Crazy Girlfriend
19/f
I have been dating my current boyfriend for about 9 months now and he is absolutely amazing. Truly, he has been my rock and I have never been so in love with a person. But I am afraid I am going to ruin this relationship because I get incredibly insecure about him talking to other women - especially his ex girlfriend. Granted, he is a flirt; but he has not done enough wrong for me to feel this way. This is how I realized that it wasn't him - it's me.
I trust him but I get so upset over little things, but don't tell him because I know they're irrational. But then they just bottle up. Honestly, a girl saying hello to him triggers something in my head saying "Stay away!" and I feel like I'm losing my mind. My question is how do I move on from these feelings? How can I learn to be more understanding and not let other girls constantly bother me?
I have never been an overemotional or irrational woman, and that is why these feelings bother me so much. I don't want to be a crazy girlfriend, please help :(
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Dear "Crazy Girlfriend",
You're not crazy. And your friends and family won't affect how jealous you are. It's okay to be a little bit crazy! Everyone gets jealous and everyone gets insecure. But you gotta talk to your boyfriend about it! Because nothing is going to get better unless you do.
You need to sit him down and tell him that even though you trust him 100%, sometimes you get a little insecure and jealous when you know you shouldn't be. Tell him that it's not easy to explain why you do it, but that you do and he should know about it. Women are always gonna flirt with him and talk to him. And you might always get jealous! But if he knows that you are maybe he can help you, like give you an extra little compliment to boost you up :)
I am also a very jealous girlfriend. My boyfriend talks to his ex as well. And when she started to flirt with him I didn't tell him that it bothered me. I let it all bottle up like you're doing and then one day I exploded on him. It was completely irrational. I regret it. We're still together though and we're working on my jealousy TOGEHTER which has really helped; I think it'll help you too!
Goodluck!
xoxo
LoLLiPoP
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It sounds like you've hit the nail on the head. You're insecure. And that insecurity makes other girls look like a threat to you when they're not. I'm wondering what the rest of your social life looks like. You said he's your rock, which makes me think you've had to lean on him for some type of extra support over these last months. That leads me to believe you may not have many other close friends or family nearby as a support system. Its good that you feel so close to him, but if he's your only support, then that makes you all the more anxious about hanging on to him. You're right. If you keep on this path you will drive him away eventually. My suggestion is to start (if you're not already) planning more activities outside of your relationship. Start hanging out with friends and acquaintences more often. Join a book club or group or something you like to do. Meet people and start cultivating friendships more. When you have bigger group of people who support you and are there for you, you won't feel so desperate about losing your b/f. You'll have other outlets for your time and energy and you'll be able to stop seeing your boyfriend as the only source of support and when that happens, other girls won't get you so stressed out. You'll have the security of knowing you are enough for him, because you feel secure in other areas and that shows. You won't even notice other girls. In fact, you'll start feeling flattered when other women flirt, because you'll know you have a hot guy that other people want who is only interested in you. Good luck.
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