|
Afraid to jump back in...
So last year I had my first serious boyfriend, I fell head over hills, lost my virginity, and after a year I realized he wasn't the guy for me and I had made a mistake. I was forced into a lot of things with him. Not physically as much as mentally. He'd guilt trip me, get angry and ignore me, fight with me, say I didn't love him if I didn't do things with him. One time at his friends house he locked me in the bathroom with him until I did stuff with him. I started crying so he let me out but refused to talk to me the rest of the night. So, I broke up with him a few months ago. I recently started dating this guy, he's been my best friend since eighth grade. I'm a junior he's a senior. I really like him and he respects me and treats me right. He doesn't force me into doing things I don't wanna do.
If I feel uncomfortable he won't make me do things.
So anyway. I have been dating him since March we have done somethings but not sex. Well recently I've been thinking about maybe in the distant future having sex with him. I thought about it for a while. I started crying, I feel so traumatized I feel like if I have sex he's going to end up like my ex. I feel afraid to do it again, I'm scared that things will end badly and that I'll end up regretting it because things were so terrible, I felt obligated and guilty in my last relationship. My boyfriend says I shouldn't feel like I have to do anything I don't want to. But, I don't know, why do I feel so traumatized from this? Is this normal? Like I feel so depressed about it, I feel traumatized and I don't want to effect what happened in my last relationship to effect what happens in my new one. I really like him and I don't know what I should do really, what should I do? Should I tell him? Is there anyway I can get rid of this feeling?
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
just get to know him first before you do anything serious.
]
::Edit::
Not in school, you'll need to google for therapists in your area. Literally just google the word "therapists" and your zip code and it should bring up something. There are plenty of websites which are designed to put you in touch with counselors.
Call a few. See if any of them offer a free consult. If any do, go see them. If not, consider for a while and talk to anyone (like parents) who might be able to help get you what you need.
If you're in a city sized area, there's a good chance there are therapists who will work on a sliding need-based scale somewhere nearby, who can get subsidies for helping someone with limited means to cover the costs you can't. Look into it, and if one therapist can't help you there's a good chance they might be able to refer you to someone who can, or to someone who can refer you again. The therapy community isn't overly large, and usually someone you talk to can at least help you figure out someone else who can help.
::/Edit::
A number of the things you described could easily fall under the label "rape". There is absolutely _NOTHING_ wrong with the reactions you are feeling. They are absolutely normal in someone who has been taken advantage of.
First, you need to think about talking to a therapist. Since you're 16, a school counselor might be a good first step in getting there. I know it's difficult, if you can't share what happened, then you can at least talk to them about finding a professional to talk to without telling them why.
Second, no, you don't have to live with this. Getting help can and with time generally does make things better for someone who's been through what you've been through.
Third, with the understanding that you need someone to listen to you, not a knight to get angry about it and want to fix the problem himself (guys usually jump at the chance to champion women they care about) you might want to consider talking to your boyfriend.
It's important right now that you make your own decisions. But I know at 16 you don't really know which way to turn. Look into therapy. Seriously. A therapist who's trained in this stuff can help you figure out exactly what's going on with you and help you find some resolution.
]
Yes it is normal!
You were abused mentally and it seems like physically from that last guy. The feelings you are feeling right now are NORMAL.
Take your time. Have sex when YOU are physically and mentally ready. Your boyfriend now seems like a good guy, and doesn't seem like he's trying to push anything.
You can't really get rid of the feeling. It will ease in time though. Go on with your life, don't even think about sex, when the right time comes around, you'll know.
As of, telling your boyfriend now. I mean, You can, and it might help him understand more, or you don't have too. Is he asking you to have sex or wanting to? If not, then you don't have to tell him, but if you think it might help you feel better about all this you should.
Good luck!
]
More Questions: |