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how to uninvite a friend?
17/f i'm going to this amusement park with my friends & family for the weekend. my one friend, has an eating disorder, and was just put into the hospital over the weekend, but she said she'd be out by the time to go she thinks, the problem is, I don't really feel its a good idea for her to come now. first of all, we plan on swimming, and i don't want anyone giving her dirty looks or anything for how skinny she is. (weighs 70 pounds, you can see her all her bones..) also, my parents don't feel comfortable with her coming, because they are afraid she won't eat or whatever & don't want the responsibility. how do i uninvite her? i don't really want to tell her my reasons, i just need a good excuse!
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An anorexic 70 pound 17-year-old girl belongs in treatment, not at an amusement park. Any hospital not looking to get sued will see she is not released until she is at a healthier weight.
I am alarmed at your level of concern regarding your weekend plans being substantially greater than your concern for your 70 pound friend being admitted to the hospital.
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I agree with the other columnist about the fact that uninviting her will really aid her eating disorder and not help it in anyway. I would also feel really badly if I were your friend because having an eating disorder is hard enough without having not-so-supportive friends.
Regardless of my opinion, I'll answer your question. I think that the best way to do it is to say that your parents are being really annoying and decided at the last minute to cap the number of friends that you could invite and since you didn't know for a fact whether she would be out of the hospital or well enough to go, you decided to uninvite her instead of someone who you knew would definitely be able to attend.
I wish you and your friend the best.
Have a great time at the amusement park! :)
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Do you think uninviting her will help her, or harm her self-esteem even more? You're her friend. She's obviously having serious issues and needs support. What are you and your parents telling her by suddenly booting her from an event that was previously planned? I totally understand your and your parents' discomfort. It is justified. However, she's already been invited. It would be rude to just dump her, especially since you don't want to tell her why. She would be obsessing about forever. Your parents may not feel comfortable about her coming, but they should understand that they will not change her habits in one outing. She is who she is. They shouldn't try to shoulder the responsibility of making her eat. Maybe they will feel more at ease if they can agree that her issues are not theirs. And maybe your friend could really use the company of people who don't judge her and really care about her and who can help her realize that she has so much to offer other people.
Look, chances are you may not even have to deal with this at all. I'm betting that even if she makes it out in time either her parents or her doctors will not want her to go, and that's if she gets out in time. 70lbs is very unhealthy. It would seem like one would need more than just a week in the hospital to improve. So if you say nothing, you may be able to avoid having her there AND having to hurt her feelings. But I don't think you can or should "uninvite" her. Its wrong, even if you feel uncomfortable, and its not what a friend would do. Put yourself in her shoes for just a minute and think about how you would feel. If it looks like she's coming and you still feel icky about it, talk to her privately. Tell her you're worried the outing might be too much for her and you don't want her to feel uncomfortable or freakish in anyway, and you don't want to have to feel uncomfortable for her. But wait to see how the hospital visit shakes out first. Best case scenario is that she's still admitted next weekend and then no one has to worry about it. Good luck.
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