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Controlling and One sided Friendships
I have been in a friendship with another lady
for ten years. At first it went well, then
I identified her as controlling. When we
got together, what we did, whose house we
would go to etc WAS ALWAYS her decision.
We had a few tiffs and split for 6 months.
Then I called her and we got together very
infrequently. Now as I write this it has
gotten worse when I thought everything was
fine. We were at a social function a month
ago (Her with her husband of course) and I
had a male friend I introduced her to. She
told him I was a good friend to her- always
there for her and we are also email buddies.
Personally that hurt and I thought " There
it is I am more email buddy that close
friend. Anyway another social event was
the end of Feb and she slipped by my table
and said she'd be back in a few min.....an
hour later she came over to the table
at barely spoke a word to me and kept
telling her husband she wanted to go home.
I feel bad but I have lost interest now,
no time for me to spend time with, so I
have stopped calling and she has not advanced
me even through email. Years ago when I
came back to town after my twin grandaughters
were born, her husband was busy one nite
and I asked her lets go for coffee and I
will show you pics of the babies and she
said soon as we got in her car ' Here we
go caught in THIS TRAP AGAIN' I was hurt
but stayed in the car......and this has
been my history with her. I am through
being talked down to and disrespected.
Do you think I am doing the right thing
by walking away???
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
I've been in friendships where the person is controlling and only seems to care about themself, and it truly is a drain on other person. I also had another friendship where the things she said to me and how she treated me were ridiculous and I couldn't tolerate it. We used to be best friends but now she is someone I say hi to and will chat with occasionally, but it's not where we depend on each other. It's reduced the drama in my life and it may be for the better. The first relationship I mentioned I still deal with. I know my friend cares about me and that it's communication that I need to break through with her to make things better. If you think your friend does care about you enough to change and work on the friendship, then try. If she isn't dependable or caring or concerned with the relationship, then it isn't worth it. Only devote your time to someone who is willing to reciprocate. It may be painful but it will save you future pain and regret.
Good luck,
-Abby
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