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Confused about feelings?

Question Posted Tuesday April 6 2010, 5:29 am

sorry if this is too long!! basically to start with, i have broken up with my boyfriend jayson (he broke up with me) basically we have known eachother prety much a year or so now, we have always been attracted to eachother like we kissed & stuff but he always said he werent ready for a relationship. hes been hurt a lot in the past, been cheated on etc so i said i understand.

we never dated, but we were more than friends if ya get me...we were forever falling out and making up again a week later. he ALWAYS had mood min he was nice the next he werent. he smoked marijuana a lot and still does. all of his friends say he confuses them! any way we stopped speaking for 2/3 months, i tried to get over him but just couldnt. any way he saw me out one day and he was like im really sorry for how i treated you etc i still like you a lot. so we started talking again...and a few weeks later we started dating. he said seeing me made him realise how much he liked and missed me. everything seemed to be going great to me, he didnt have any mood swings with me at all we both got along really well. he still had mood swings with his friends, though. he fell out with them a few times while we were dating.

so we were dating for nearly 3 months,(his longest relationship, for some reason he said he always messes up) and he started to act weird towards me, didnt speak as much etc. so i asked him what was wrong and he said he was just really confused. i asked how he felt about me and he said i like you a lot but i just dont know what i want anymore. i gave him a week to think and gave him the opportunity to break up with me and he said he wanted more time to think. then he said that he thought i liked another guy (he always said i liked someone else even before we were dating) he always said i was too good for him which is why i think he thought i liked someone else. any way i asked him to make his mind up soon because it was playing with my emotions. a few days later he said he really likes me but he thinks we should break up because he doesnt feel like it is going anywhere and he blames himself for that because he has been confused and messed up in the head lately, and he said he knows it will take time to get over me and it will be hard.

i pretty much love this guy, i could never get over him even when we stopped speaking so its going to be harder now. my questions are:
- because he smokes marijuana a lot do you think this is why he is confused about the way he feels? messed up in the head? etc
- people keep saying we will get back together because we always used to fall out, i dont agree with this but how can i get over him?
- do you think he genuinely liked me and its marijuana messing him up? he told me himself he can never stick to a relationship for some reason he always messes it up

thanks!! sorry for it being so long!!

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BRobb answered Wednesday April 7 2010, 2:58 pm:
It sounds like your boyfriend may suffer from bi-polar disorder. Marijuana doesn't cause major mood swings, confusion or paranoia the way you describe. I'd suggest you check out some sites and get more info on this chemical imbalance. If he does have bi-polar the symptoms a fairly easy to identify once you know what they are. This is a really tough disease to maintain a relationship through. Bi-polar people can be crual, distant and very confusing to be around. I was very much in love with a woman who had bi-polar. Despite my feelings I couldn't stay in the relationship because of her mood-swings, cruelty and refusal to seek medical help. Good luck.

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braytak answered Tuesday April 6 2010, 10:51 am:
Your description of him paints a picture of someone with low self-esteem and some serious life issues that need work. It will be hard for him to commit to anyone long term if he is not comfortable in his own skin.

You might refer to this sort of relationship as a "fixer upper". It might turn out well in the ned but will take an enormous amount of energy and work. The question for you is, whether this relationship is worth the effort. As Uniq pointed out, there are lots of other guys out there. Everyone has their own eccentricities, but the things you describe can be truly destructive to a relationship.

The call is yours of course. One way to determine if the marijuana is a problem would be to ask him if he would consider quitting to work on your relationship. If his answer is anything other than an immediate "yes i can do that", this is a red flag that you will be in for a rough ride if you choose to continue with this relationship.

Life is too short to waste it on a hopeless situation. Good luck!

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Uniq_The_Geek answered Tuesday April 6 2010, 9:29 am:
Hi :)

First off, here's a link:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
If you want to know anything about marijuana's effects on a person, use google lol. That's what I do.

Here's the confusing part. Trying to get over him. I know that you feel like you love him. You're emotionally attached to him and hate to see him like this. It also doesn't help that he keeps leaving and coming back. Lastly, he seems to have issues within himself, due to his past relationships. In order to get over him, you're going to have to seek support from your close friends, and you're going to have to cut him off. Block him from AIM, Myspace, Facebook, etc. Don't answer any calls or texts. Delete him from everything you have him in. Just erase him from your life completely. I don't want to judge him, because he sounds like a cool person. But you should try and get away from trouble. If you seriously want to get over him, just cut him out of your life. You can either let him know you're doing it, or not. I choose to tell people so that they don't bug me with questions as to why I did it, therefore they have no excuse to text me, call me, etc.

Seriously, click that link, and read as if your life depended on it. Lol it will answer your questions on why he feels the way he does and if marijuana has anything to do with it. Good luck, and remember there are plenty of other guys out there who can treat you right and would love to get to know you!

Uniq :)

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