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when push comes to shove
whenever my "lovely" boyfriend and i make plans a few days before it never happens... and its frustrating and he says it me all the time... but when he comes home im always dressed waiting then he tells me how nice i look and asks me if we can go tomorrow... in my world tomorrow never comes and it never will... do you think he is just embrassed to be with me in public? we dont do nothing together never.... somedays i dont even see us with a future... should i even wait to see if things change
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
a male perspective: talking to him about it or "giving him the cold shoulder" sets you up for the role of a whiny nag or a ball-breaker. even if you get him to agree, he will resent it, and in the long run that will fester and manifest in any number of negative ways.
Men are simple, and you can catch more flies with honey than vinegar. One way to approach this is to make going out more appealing and convenient.
You mention "he comes home", is he coming home from a long hard day? Some men need an hour to shed the ardors of the day before thinking of doing anything. Even a fun activity can seem like a chore. Remind him of how much fun he will have going out, how he enjoys being with friends or whatever activity it is you have planned. Remind him that going out with him will undoubtedly put you in a good mood, which could have all sorts of positive remifications, smile.
My point is, research shows that behavioral change is accomplished more easily through positive reinforcement than avoiding conflict or negative consequences.
A third option of course is to say, "i understand, you are tired. no worries, i think i will call my g/f and go out anyway. catch you next time". and then go have fun, coming back, telling him what a wonderful time it was and how you wished he could have been there with you.
If after all this, he doesn't bite, then you will have identified a problem in your relationship that might be a deal breaker.
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My boyfriend did this to me all the time. He would also hate to spend time with me if it were the two of us. One day, he promised me that we'd do something together, but then he told me he had a "headache" and that we should just both go home. I did the dirty girl deed of the cold shoulder and I showed him how upset I was. We talked about it face to face and now he's lightened up and we spend a lot of time together. What I think you need to do is just talk it out with him. Tell him how much it bothers you that he tells you empty promises and if he continues with it, I would say wait it off, but don't wait too long. You can't be around a lost soul forever. :/ Good luck!
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