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Put on the spot
I went to a bar last night with my boyfriend, my best friend and her guy friend. My friends guy friend drove down to meet us (He lives 45 minutes away) While I went to pick up my friend she told me that her guy friend had intentions of spending the night at my apartment if he gets drunk. (Which I had no idea until she told me..) I was a little upset about that. However, Around 11:30pm My friend's guy friend already had about 4 beers and was a bit tipsy. I happened to run into an old prick from high school (Rob) Everything was going well until (Rob) tried talking my friend's guy friend into getting drunk...(I wasn't fully paying attention, I was playing pool) Then it happened that after the 4 beers he got tipsy and (Rob) asked me if it was okay if Mike spent the night at my apartment, I told him it was not okay because I was already taking my best friend in along with my boyfriend. (Rob) Then pressured me and my boyfriend into letting the guy stay at my apartment and how if he got in an accident on the way home it would make us feel awful and as if it was somewhat our responsibility. (Rob) and I went back and forth for about 20 minutes after I continuously said No. I also explained to Rob that it is not my responsibility to take in someone who drank to much and that my friend's guy friend was perfectly aware of his intake. (Rob continued to talk me into letting him stay insisting I was friends with the guy and was up in my face about it making me seem cold hearted for turning it down. I eventually got tired of it and told Rob (I'll go outside and talk to him about it) Just so he'd back off but instead Rob followed me and my boyfriend into the parking lot...By this time I was extremely upset I had already been talking to Rob for about 35 minutes and I had intentions of leaving the bar (until Rob followed me out) I explained to my friend what was going on but she was a little tipsy herself. I was put under extreme pressure and I was not sure how to handle it. Basically, My friends guy friend got tipsy with intentions of sleeping at my apartment....and Rob made it seem like if I didn't let him spend the night I would be a cold hearted bitch and if he gets in an accident it would be my fault. Ugh... How can I prevent this if it were to ever happen again
Thanks
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
The moment your friend said "Hey, he's got this idea he can crash at your place." your response should have been "Oh really? What’s his cell number? We have to straighten that out ‘cause I can't handle another person."
You were warned of the possible problem, and upset by it, but you don’t mention doing anything about it! You kept on not dealing the problem you’d been warned about, until everyone was really wasted.
You should never leave potential problems until everyone is really wasted. That's a sucky time to deal with things.
In the future, be clear with your friend that she can't invite people back to your apartment. She should have had the sense to tell her friend no, and if someone ever says to you again "So, we were thinking we could stay at your place if we got too drunk." don't just be upset about, be really clear right away "You better NOT get too drunk, because you can't stay with me."
However much of a bully and an ass Rob was being, if you weren’t really clear with this guy that he could NOT stay with you, after you were told that was his expectation, then you share in the blame here. It’s not ridiculas for people who go out drinking togeather to expect their friends will watch out for them, but if this was a kind of watching out you weren’t able to do he deserved to be told clearly what was and what wasn’t going to happen in advance. It was unkind of you not to deal with the problem when it was brought to your attention initially. If you’d be clear with him about his not being welcome at your apartment, he might have watched his consumption, or saved cash for a cab… Sure, he might have still gotten too drunk, but at least in that case you could walk away with a clear conscience and say “Look, I told him when he was sober that couldn’t stay with me, and he can’t.”
You were within your right to say no, and your friend was rude to have offered your place, and Rob butt into something that wasn't really his bussiness, HOWEVER, you still could have avoided the worst of this if you'd been really clear the moment you recongized the problem, until waiting till the end of the night to put your foot down.
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Next time do exactly what you did accept don't stand there arguing. Just tell them no one asked you ahead of time, you don't have the room or the desire, and his decisions are not your problem. He can sleep it off in his car. You did nothing wrong. They just assumed you'd be ok with it and they didn't even ask. How rude. Like he HAD to stay at your place if he was drunk... PLEASE! He could have slept in his car, or why didn't Rob offer up his place or a friend's place? Give me a break. Just chalk it up to a misunderstanding and tell your girlfriend you were uncomfortable having a drunk guy you barely knew staying overnight at your apartment. Then just drop it. You can't change anyone's mind. If they think you're being a bitch then that's just what they think. You know you're not and you know you were right.
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