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Eating Disorder Relapse
19/f
Thank you for reading and deciding to help! First and foremost, let me tell you a little bit about my previous eating disorder. When I was 17, I was diagnosed with anorexia. I turned to excessive dieting as a way to cope from a difficult break up. I was eating about 600 calories a day and working out for about 2 hours. After being anorexic for about 6 months, I was weighing close to 80 pounds. I'm 5 ft. But, after over-doing it for six months, my body couldn't handle it anymore. Without any control, I started bingeing. Mind you, my parents didn't have enough money to put me into therapy. The bingeing was so much harder to stop than the dieting because it became a habit. My body was so weak and all I could think about was eating. Eating all the things I hadn't eaten for months. Before I knew it I was at 106. I thought I was HUGE. Truth is, that now I realize I wasn't. I thought I was super fat then and tried to do everything possible to be at least at 96. It was all about numbers and I lived in this world, trapped. So, I tried the dieting again trying to remind myself that it was only 10 pounds. But, every time I tried it, I kept bingeing and then it was a vicious cycle: binge, purge, starve." Now, the last time I weighed myself I was 118. I have stopped bingeing and excessive dieting. But, I need to feel good physically and there's no way I can feel good weighing this much. This is not my weight! I got laid off my job a few weeks ago, and this week I've been having a bit of a relapse. I just want to eat really unhealthy things. It's really bad. I get very emotional if I don't think I can eat what I want, because it feels like I'm punishing myself. I don't want to punish myself. I just wish I could be at least at 110.... where my clothes fit! Where I feel really good working out. This is not like before where I thought I was huge and i wasn't. I KNOW i'm not huge... I'm a size 4 and I have a 26 waist. I'm not HUGE. But, honestly, I think this had something to do with taking birth control. I feel swollen and I just don't feel comfortable going on a diet because I'm scared of what happened last time. Is there anything I can do, other than exercise because I already do that, to lose just 8 pounds... so I can feel like me again?
thanks guys! I love this site and I think that everyone here has always been very kind and answered everything whole-heartedly. I'm blessed to have found it x3
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They are right. It IS about controling your mind.
There are ways to make this easier without therapy but binge eating and purging do not heal themselves. The simple tips I have provided are quick fixes. The theraputic one below is more time consuming but I promise is more helpful than anything. It comes from an eating disorder based program that I attended. Good luck!
SIMPLE TIPS:
1)Remove yourself from the unhealthy foods. Find foods that satisfy your craving within calorie range and nutrition guidelines. Fruit is a good one since the fat in fruit fills more of your stomach than the fat in junk foods. They are also sweet so they cure that craving. Grapefruit and kiwis are in season right now and are very yummy snacks.
2)It is recommended that when stopping binge eating you still need to listen to your cravings and simply cut down. ex. 5 cookies instead of 10 for 2 weeks. then 3 and so on until you have stopped.
3)Make a list of strategies to control your weight and why you want to. Ex. exercise because I feel more confident and content with myself.
4) Identify your triggers. What situations cause you to crave more than others and try and aviod those situations.
THERAPUTIC TIP:
Mindfulness is a large part of controlling the way we think. Our brains become addicted to certain things and overly crave them. Although your stomach may be full your brain will demand you enjoy more of your indulgences.
A way to train your brain into being satisfied with what you're eating is to be completely mindful of it. Be aware of your senses when consuming that food.
Take what you are eating and look at it as if you have never eaten it before and have no clue what it taste like. Because your brain is working off of appearance and familiarity Close your eyes and smell it. Still with closed eyes touch it. Then taste it. Experience that taste for the first time all over again. When you do this you allow your brain to indulge in senses that we normally do not use when eating and in return your brain is more satisfied with what you're consuming.
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Weight management is all about mind control.
For starters I'd like to say YOU ARE NOT FAT, 110 is NOT fat. 120,130 even 140 IS STILL NOT FAT.
96 pounds at 5 foot, Is underweight. I'm glad that you have attempted to try and get better. I'm not a professional and I don't know everything about eating disorders. However I can say my sister suffered from anorexia as well. If your parents can't afford therapy then I would seek group meetings/support from friends etc. As anorexia leads to hair falling out, liver failure, rotted teeth, and eventually downhill from there. You don't need to loose weight, You are perfectly fine the way you are. My sister got so skinny her ribs were showing and eventually she found herself hospitalized. Thank god she realized that everyone was right and her eating disorder got way out of hand. Support from friends and family helped her to over coming her bad habits. Eating 2 slices of pizza is NOT going to kill you. It's normal and the healthy recommendation is eating 3 meals a day. Your body needs nutrition, vitamins etc.
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