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My boyfriend of 3 years has random anger problems
My boyfriend and I have been dating for over 3 years. For the first year or 2 he was the sweetest thing ever. I couldn't imagine being with anyone else, then at our 2 1/2 we were apart for the first time ever as I was over seas, and it's like he had a mid life crisis. When I came back he said he was depressed, and he wasn't in love with me anymore, and he wasnt going to college and he was moving back home, and he was joining the military. I was so confused! Well, he changed his mind about not being in love with me, and we're back together, but now he randomly gets pissed off, and I have no idea why. He says its me, he says I'm being bitchy, or that I'm dense, and I am never intentionally being bitchy, and I don't understand why he calls me dense, because he seems to get mad at the most random moments when nothing appears to be going wrong. It takes the littlest thing to put him off. I've tried talking to him about it, and I know that I'm not perfect, but he never gives me a straight answer, it always just 'me'. I want to fix this but I don't know how. Help!
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If his anger is always your fault, congratulations! You have a textbook case of an abusive boyfriend.
Start laying down the law with your boyfriend.
It's okay to get upset. It's not okay to speak to me that way.
And
If it's just 'me' the way I am, we can't work on that unless you get more specific, and I will NOT live with your anger like this forever.
He is trying to blame you and make it all your fault, when it is very obvious that HE is the one with the problem: The anger, the bad behavoir, and whatever else it is that is fueling this. Stop accepting that it is your fault, and consitantly and firmly put the ball back in his court.
"I might not be perfect, but the way you are acting is not okay."
"We can't change this until you are honest and specific about what is upseting you."
"Your anger is not my fault. Your behavoir is your responsibilty."
Supporting him and his goals is the second step. The first step is making perfectly clear that you wont tolerate abuse, and that he needs to take responsibilty to communicate his own needs and issues in a way that isn't cruel and useless.
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From the sound of things, it seems as if he isn't very happy with himself. Are things not going well with his life? I am wondering if he is upset and angry that his own life isn't going as he wants it to (or maybe he just doesn't know what to do with his life) and he is showing that anger toward you. I wonder if he really isn't angry with you, but just unhappy with himself.
Without being able to know for sure, this is just a guess. Maybe instead of talking about your and his relationship, you could talk about his life. What are his goals.....what would make him happy....etc. And then help him try to make those goals and dreams happen.
Just a thought.......
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