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committment to a married man
20/f
Please do not criticize the fact that he is married. I fell in love with a married man. I had a very screwed up life with cheating and drugs and promiscuity and he being older really helped me through it. I put him through a ton of crap and he still stayed with me because he truly loves me. He and his wife do not have a a relationship and merely coexist in the same household but still have a marriage. Well It took awhile but I finally realized I needed to start changing and loving myself and so I did as I was ready. Now I am fully committed to him and everything has changed. My issue is that now I have changed I am 100% committed to him and having trouble dealing with the fact that he is still in some way committed to her. He was at one point willing to leave her for me and then he found out all the crap I did to him and hes scared now that if he leaves her I will screw him over once again and he will be alone. On top of the fact that he promised her to always be there for her and he doesn't want to hurt her anymore than he already has. I am very much struggling with this. Our time is limited together because of his work and school and his wife. I just feel that I deserve to have him as committed to me as I am to him now. Despite all the crap that happened in the past. but I know he is in love with me and simply loves her bc they have been together for years. I don't know if I should wait around until they divorce or if I should save myself the hurt and depression and leave him. I'm so lost. Any advice is appreciated.
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Ok first off if he is or has cheated on her w you what makes you think that he isn't going to cheat on you second no offense but your not in love with him you are infatuated by the person who helped you get over whatever demons you had in your life you can't love someone until both people can devote everything they have to each other you say that he is in love with you well I honestly have a hard time with that because anyone who will cheat on someone they love with someone they are in love with sounds like they got bored and are looking for the next big thing sorry but you said any advice was welcome
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You don't feel okay about this situation, because it isn't okay. No excuses. No justifications. It is not okay to be involved in an affair like this
This isn’t nasty judgement on you. It’s just a fact as simple as the sky is blue, and you already know it. You know this is not okay, because you don't feel okay about it.
You are right to recognize he is not committed to you, and it is sensible that it hurts you to know that.
If he truly wanted to end his marriage, he would. And it wouldn’t matter if your relationship worked out or not. You see, it’s not an either you or her decision. If he wanted to end his marriage, he would do so, even if it meant being single. If he has not ended his marriage, it means he has chosen not to.
He isn’t leaving her. He’s already told you that. Your behaviour has nothing to do with his chose not to end his marriage. It’s an excuse. He doesn’t want to leave her. He is not going to choose you over her. If you push him to a choice, he will probably choose her.
So your choice is to continue on doing something that you know is not okay, and that hurts you deeply, or, to stop doing it.
The choice should be very obvious. This is the next step in making yourself into a new, better person. End the betrayal and your dependency on a man who is not committed to either of the women in his life. You should demand better behaviour from yourself, and once you have done that, you should expect better in a partner.
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