|
Asexuality
About a week ago my boyfriend and I were talking, and he decided to drop a bomb shell on me. "I'm asexual! There are you happy now!?" All because I asked him why he'd never had any major crushes. I was absolutely not expecting that, but in a weird way, I didn't mind at all. I asked him a few questions and he explained to me that yeah the female body doesn't turn him on but the sensations of sex are fine. But every time I try and get him to listen to me and tell him I actually don't mind at all, he shuts me out. How can I get him to actually listen to me on this subject?
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
If you've already tried to tell him you don't mind, and he won't listen, no point in trying to over and over again, you'll just annoy him. It's probably embarrassing to him and something he doesn't want to talk about, so let it go.
]
Explain to him that you're both mature and need to talk about this sort of thing if you both want the relationship to work out. Tell him that it's very important that you two discuss that so that you know if you're really compatiable in the long-run. Explain that the relationship means a lot to you and you both need to be happy to be able to work together.
Then just tell him. Let him know that you thought the whole situation over with him being asexual and let him know that you're very accepting of it and that it doesn't bother you in the least. Explain to him that it was a little surprising, as you've never met someone who was asexual before, but you're glad you have him to talk to about it so that you're completely informed. Apologize for excess questions about it, explaining that you're extremely curious but not belittling about the situation.
A lot of people are asexual and most feel that there is something wrong with them then. It's human nature to be sexually attracted to another humanbeing so it can be a very touchy subject to say, "I'm not!" It's very likely that he has never told anyone about this before!
Let him know to relax around you about it and that you're happy with him the way he is. If, later, he explains that he feels that something is wrong with him then tell him that many people are asexual and that everyone is different. Suggest a few therapy sessions if he insists he is "wrong" and let him know that you're supportive of him in all things.
The key is to bring up maturity in these things. You're both old enough to be in a serious, committed relationship so you both need to be mature about these sorts of things. Let him know that it's IMPORTANT to talk to him about this and that you are completely accepting of it, love him the same, and you're glad you two are growing together (and learning to have open lines of communication with eachother).
Just keep working on it. Let him know it's a serious discussion and that it NEEDS to be had. Do it in a situation where he will feel decently secure and comfortable. It can be a scary thing to let your partner know something like this so hang in there!
I wish you both well and hope that things turn out to be OK (because they're not going to be in the end if he won't talk about it). Please feel free to send me an inbox directly if you have further questions.
]
um. do you mean "homosexual"? as in he is attracted to other guys? because asexual means that he reproduces on his own, like a bacteria does. unless there is some slang meaning for asexual now that i'm not aware of.
please try to clarify, then i can help you. :) otherwise, i don't know what to say.
]
More Questions: |