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I did it...
Hey all, 22/f here. I posted this question:
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I finally decided to stop trying to talk myself into it, and ended the relationship.
Now I hurt =(. When I broke up with him, my heart physically hurt...but anyway, I did it. Now I keep wondering if I made the right decision.
I'm scared to death of the withdrawal I'm going to feel when I start to miss him. I haven't yet, because I don't think it's sunk in that I ended it.
Has anyone else ended a really long relationship and dealt with it successfully? I know to keep myself busy (that won't be a problem, I'm taking 12 credits in psychology and working 37.5 hours a week at two jobs), but is there a certain way to think about the whole thing that might help me?
Thanks, everyone.
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Hey... I've been there. I've done that. I own the t-shirt AND matching pants :)
I don't know how similiar our situations are... But my ex was: co-dependent, extremely jealous, possessive... Yeah. You get the picture. We were together for two years and lived together for eighteen months.
When I finally ended the relationship... That was, hands down, the most difficult thing I have ever done. I can't really describe how difficult it was... It's funny how you can love someone sooo much even though you know how bad they are for you; even when you don't want to be with them anymore. Breaking his heart broke my heart. I kid you not, I sobbed the entire time. I cried when he left, I cried myself to sleep, I cried the next morning when I woke up... I even missed work because I just could not stop crying. Everyday was a struggle to hold back the tears. The nights were hardest. For eighteen months I had slept next to this man every night, and then, all of the sudden, I was totally alone.
Even once the tears stopped, I struggled with my decision. I struggled with guilt... I wondered if I would ever meet another man that loved me as much as he did; that I loved as much as I loved him. I struggled with intense lonliness.
How did I get through it? I'm not really sure. I suppose, one day at a time. I leaned on the shoulders of my family, of my friends... I threw myself into work and hobbies. I dated around a little bit, and ran like the hell the first time I met a guy that reminded me of my ex. I kept telling myself, no matter how I missed him, no matter how miserable I felt... That I made the right decision. For once in my life, I put myself before anyone else and I did what was in my best interest. And I told myself, even when I didn't believe it, that I would find love again. That everything was going to be just fine.
Because... Everything is going to be just fine. It's been more than a year since the night my ex left, and I can honestly say, I am happier now than I have been in a very, very long time.
I don't know if anything I can say will really help you. But I do know that when you're hurting, you need someone to support you. I am an online stranger... But if you need support, I will be here for you.
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I know it's hard, and you might be feeling withdrawal symptoms, but a relationship where you are being manipulated and you are playing mind games is certainly a harmful relationship. Imagine this; you went this far into, and think about how hurt you are. If you went even further, think about the pain then - you can't avoid it. And if you went till the very end where you are abused, mistreated, and fed with mind games, not only will the ending of the relationship hurt the most, but the feeling of being manipulated will stay with you forever.
Certain relationships are the emotional equivalent of rape, and you were escalating into it. You were doing the best thing for yourself, and you must remember that - when you hurt, it is the body's way of telling you not to do that again. When you fall off a skateboard, break your arm, poke yourself with a needle, it's your body's way of saying 'No, don't do that!' But when your brain controls the pain, it is often unreliable and can make you regret everything.
There will always be guys - about 3.5 BILLION of them! This guy was giving you, essentially, emotional rape, and the other 3.5 billion will probably not.
You are MUCH better off without him, withdrawal or not. You'll be paranoid for a bit - don't be. Not all men want to manipulate you.
Good luck, and let me know how it goes.
-TeenSoup
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