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Worry/anxiety over a relationship
18/m in college
I recently broke up with my girlfriend. The issue was that about 4 months ago for whatever reason I started to worry about my future with her. We were long-distance and it had been about 3 months since our last visit and I think that I was starting to feel really far away from her. I couldn't conjure up the immense happiness I used to always feel when thinking about her and I guess I just started to worry that I was loosing my love for her. It started out only being something that would happen occasionally, but as the months went by, I began to worry and worry about it more and more. We used to always have great friendly conversations, no pressure, just talking, we were best friends. After a 3 months of this worrying though, I couldn't talk to her without starting to worry. Conversations might start out okay, but once the thought of that worrying would pop into my mind, the anxiety would hit me and I wouldn't enjoy talking anymore. I don't think I even knew what I was worried about. I just couldn't enjoy talking to her. we finally saw each other about 3 weeks ago and it was the same kind of deal. I we would really enjoy our time together, but I still had this thing in the back of my mind and when I thought about it only the slightest bit, I wouldn't be able to have fun. After I got home, I decided enough is enough and I ended the relationship. I felt horrible about it. but I just couldn't enjoy interactions with her anymore.
I think that through my worrying, I DID loose my love for her to some extent. It got to the point where, although we might get along well, I didn't feel the same way I used to feel about her. I miss everything we used to have so much and at the time, I don't think I even realized that i was worrying way too much. I don't think I even realized that was what the problem was.
I wish I could start over with her, but I just WORRY that if we do, I will put too much pressure on making things work and my negative thinking will only make things fail. I recognize now that my worrying is crippling, but I'm having the worst time trying to stop. I feel so weak against it. I cant get rid of it. any suggestions? Christian perspectives are welcome.
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18/f, in college also
I was in this exact situation a few months ago. I feel like you read my mind word for word, its weird. I dated the guy for 7 and a half months and suddenly I started getting worried because we hadn't seen each other in over a month and I felt myself pushing away from him. At 8 months we had a really heart-breaking break up. I felt bad but almost free at the same time because I wasn't worried anymore. Then one day it hit me that I had acted ridiculous and made the biggest mistake. After 2 months of talking and begging him to take me back with the only explanation of "I was crazy and losing my mind" as the reason for our break up we are now together again. I worry about worrying again. I worry that we'll end up in the same situation and I'll lose the feeling. But now I know what its like to live without him and I never want to go through that again so I told myself that I would never let go of him and if we're losing touch with each other, we can work through it.
My advice to you would be to talk to her about everything that happened. If you get back together yes you will have those days where all you can think about is the break up but you have to really change your thinking, think for the present. Just take it a day at a time. If she is what makes you happy then there is no need to worry. As I tell you this you should know that I am also a work in progress with my worrying but so far my anxiety about our relationship has decreased soo much since the times near the break up. Long-distance is really hard but its not impossible. Keep telling yourself that you're determined to make it work and live for the now! We're still young...there's no need to worry.
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You can't stop yourself from feeling the way you do
if you think you'll worry then i think that ending the relationship was a good idea there's no point in being with someone if you aren't happy the main thing that truely counts in the end is that your happy and if you aren't then it's probably not worth it plus if you aren't interested then you won't have the same feelings like you used to it's not healthy to worry and have anxiety i don't think things were meant to be between you two you shouldn't have to worry about putting to much pressure and trying to make things work if things were meant to be then things would work themselves out and if they didn't then that means it wasn't meant to be
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