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pain, sex, fingering, confusion...
I am 14/f and my bf is 16/m. We were both in a relationship, we both broke up around the same time, and we started dating axpromiately three months after the break ups. So there was a gap. But the exes are whats causing some problems. His ex... Lets call her S and well call my boyfriend B. Alright so before I even knew B or liked him or anything, I've hated S. I reeeally don't want to go in to the details of why all that hatred is there but yeah... And my ex, isn't exactly important except that he really screwed me up. He was sixteen while we were dating and I was fourteen. After about a month he tried to have sex with me. I told him no, I wasn't ready, I'm too young. And he broke up with me. He told me that he was only dating me because he liked making out with me andd he thought it would be easy to get in my pants. I was heart broken. To know that someone only wants to use you for something like that and then drop you just makes you feel like shit, and I told myself I would never get involved with a boy like that again. So when I met B I was so happy. He's a good boy, really. We've been dating for like four months. And we haven't gone past making out. Well... the other night I got taken a little off guard when he told me that he had gone preeetty far with S. Not sex, but third base things that I am NOT ready for. I was so shocked... and really upset even though I had no right to be. They were dating and I didn't even like him like that then. I don't know why I got so upset. Some of it has to do with my hatred of S and it honestly makes me sick to know that B would do something like that with her. I love B and it actually makes me stomach hurt to think about it. But I also think most of it has to do with the fact that I don't want things expected from me. And I was scared. Here B had gone with this experineced pretty and willing girl and I... I felt like a little kid. I didn't KNOW that B had this experience. I talked to B about this and he told me I was beautiful and smart and that I actually cared about HIM and his personality which S never had. That I was more than he could want and he if he could take back what he did with her he would have never done it in the first place. That it was stupid of him. And he told me that I don't have to do those things with him. That he values being with me more than anything. That should make me feel better right? Well it did... Until I realized that Iiiii am the problem here. HE might not expect me to do those things but in my mind I raise this bar that I think I have to meet. HE might not compare me to her, but I do. I'm scared it will turn out like my ex. That he could leave me because I'm not ready for the things he is... B said he would never do that. I believe him. I trust him. But why do I still feel like crap? And why am I doing all this damage to myself? Why can't I think the same way B does? And what if I ammmm ready for those things??? Help?
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okay first off hun your ex is an asshole just like most guys alot of guys you will find as you get older only want sex but B seems to generally care about you and you shouldn't hold his past against him im sure you did stuff with your ex maybe not sex but stuff and gurl save the drama hun who gives a hoot any more bout your ex or S you are your own person and he screwed up thats what makes him trash not you Its normal to feel like crap but dont let him bring you down you are your own women dnt let him have that power over yu LIVE AND LEARN your hearts going to be broken plenty of times but it sounds like you have a good relationship with B so why let haters bring you down i know it hurts i had it done to me but we all survive and just be alittle causious you know hun and B on the other hand is WILLING to wait soooooooooooooo make him wait lol untill your ready and your know when your ready dnt be pressured to do anything you dont want and DONT ever feel like it s your fault ever hope i helped good luck
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You're mixing all the wrong things, instead of embracing what you have. You've comparing relationships that you both USED to have to what you have now. It comes down to this..
1. Not all guys are dating you to have sex with you.
Is it something they might hope for.. YES. But when a guy says that he'll honestly wait, don't doubt him.
2. He wouldn't waste his time. If all he wanted was to hit base or run home, he would have dropped the ball and bailed the game the second you told him you weren't ready.
3. Don't beat yourself up for what you're not ready for.. ever. A girl only gets a body once. I'm 22, and just recently had sex with a guy I've been with for 2 years. I went through all the pressure, and read the signs of jerks. DO NOT SETTLE. If you're not ready, YOU'RE NOT.
4. This guy, B.. he seems great from what you're saying. He cares about you, but furthermore, RESPECTS you. If you continue beating yourself up over what he did with her, or what isn't being done with you, it could be bad for your relationship.
5. When you're ready, you'll know. But don't do it because you feel like shit. Do it because you love or care for him deeply.
Please keep me updated.
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