|
why can't i treat myself like he treats me?
I am 14/f and my bf is 16/m. We were both in a relationship, we both broke up around the same time, and we started dating axpromiately three months after the break ups. So there was a gap. But the exes are whats causing some problems. His ex... Lets call her S and well call my boyfriend B. Alright so before I even knew B or liked him or anything, I've hated S. I reeeally don't want to go in to the details of why all that hatred is there but yeah... And my ex, isn't exactly important except that he really screwed me up. He was sixteen while we were dating and I was fourteen. After about a month he tried to have sex with me. I told him no, I wasn't ready, I'm too young. And he broke up with me. He told me that he was only dating me because he liked making out with me andd he thought it would be easy to get in my pants. I was heart broken. To know that someone only wants to use you for something like that and then drop you just makes you feel like shit, and I told myself I would never get involved with a boy like that again. So when I met B I was so happy. He's a good boy, really. We've been dating for like four months. And we haven't gone past making out. Well... the other night I got taken a little off guard when he told me that he had gone preeetty far with S. Not sex, but third base things that I am NOT ready for. I was so shocked... and really upset even though I had no right to be. They were dating and I didn't even like him like that then. I don't know why I got so upset. Some of it has to do with my hatred of S and it honestly makes me sick to know that B would do something like that with her. I love B and it actually makes me stomach hurt to think about it. But I also think most of it has to do with the fact that I don't want things expected from me. And I was scared. Here B had gone with this experineced pretty and willing girl and I... I felt like a little kid. I didn't KNOW that B had this experience. I talked to B about this and he told me I was beautiful and smart and that I actually cared about HIM and his personality which S never had. That I was more than he could want and he if he could take back what he did with her he would have never done it in the first place. That it was stupid of him. And he told me that I don't have to do those things with him. That he values being with me more than anything. That should make me feel better right? Well it did... Until I realized that Iiiii am the problem here. HE might not expect me to do those things but in my mind I raise this bar that I think I have to meet. HE might not compare me to her, but I do. I'm scared it will turn out like my ex. That he could leave me because I'm not ready for the things he is... B said he would never do that. I believe him. I trust him. But why do I still feel like crap? And why am I doing all this damage to myself? Why can't I think the same way B does? Help?
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
awwww!you sound like such a sweet girl!ok im 20 and im going through what your going through right now!the reason why you feel like you have to do stuff with B is because your ex was a user and abused you.he hurt you and only wantedd one thing from you.with B you love him soo much and your scared to loose him which is why you think you have to do things to make him happy and make him stay because he did it with that other girl.
you should know that you shouldnt feel pressured to do things with B just so he can love you more or stay with you because regardless,hes going to stay with you because he loves spending time with you and loves YOUU not what you can give him.
i mean look at S she gave it to him and they still never worked out.if its going to work between you and B its going to work because you have a strong bond not because he wants pleasure.if your not ready then dont do it because youll regret it TRUST ME.dont feel like you HAVE to do it because some other girl did it.
you cant think the same way as B does because he wasnt there when you got hurt by dumbass ex bf.he didnt see the tears and he didnt see the pain.so now you dont want to get hurt and you dont want to loose your super cool bf so you think pleasure will keep him.you need to know pleasure isnt the only way to keep your bf,and even if you pleasureed him and he doesnt feel right with you hes still going to leave.but right now even without pleasure he wnats to be with you so just believe him and let it come naturally.you know yourself your not ready and i think thats soo good of you to not let anyone pressure you into anything your not ready for soo well done!
just go with the flow and when your ready youll know.but if you do anything that your not ready of your not going to enjoy it and then your going to get paranoid and get hurt and feel used so dont do anything your not ready to do!
]
More Questions: |