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Biting myself....
So I have a bit of an issue. Whenever I get mad at myself about something (whether it's just something that I did during the day that I think "Why the hell did I do that??", something stupid that I said, etc, etc) I bite my arms. Hard enough that it hurts and leaves a red mark for a few hours or more, but never enough to bleed (Which is surprising, since I have braces). I do it if I'm mad at myself, like I just said, or if I have a million thoughts and emotions running through my head that I don't understand.
I used to cut myself-I only bled once, my last time, about two years ago- but I just can't bring myself to do that anymore. I'd rather not leave anymore permanent scars on myself, as my mom has inquired many times about the other ones but I don't have the guts to tell her the truth.
I think I bite myself because I don't know of any other way to deal with everything in my life. My mom has a boyfriend (My parents split when I was seven but I still see my dad a few times a week) and I've heard them having sex quite a few times which is completely disgusting and in my opinion is INCREDIBLY disrespectful to me. I think that's one of the reasons why I started biting.
Also, I have issues with my weight. I used to starve myself (only a few people know) and I lost about 10-15 pounds in one week, but gained some of it back. That was almost two years ago. I still constantly think about my weight and check the scale at least twice a day. I get really mad at myself if I have gained anything. I don't starve myself anymore, but I do cut down on food every once in a while. Not often.
Sometimes I just feel like I have to punish myself for stupid things. The pain that comes with biting my arms blocks out all of the other sh** in my head, which feels amazing, even if just for a few seconds. So I guess I'm just asking if anyone does this too, and how I might find a better way to sort out my crazy emotions. I've tried diaries, they don't work. And I can rule out talking to people, since most of the things I bite myself for are things that I don't want people to know.
I know someone might say "Just stop biting". I've tried, but I can't help it. If I'm with people and I get the urge to bite myself, I'll usually put my hand in my sleeve and dig my nails into my arm. It kind of scares me that I do all of this.
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Listen, I understand what you're going through, and I know it ain't easy. I'm no counciler, but I listen to music (I drown the sorrow in Metallica, Slipknot & Disturbed) to ease it a little. I sometimes just take a box of pencils & break 'em one by one till they're all gone. If I'm still angry, I cry. Pure & simple, it cuts the pain. I reccomend you try these instead of biting. I hope you find something to ease what your going through. Bye
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I used to do this to be honest. I did I felt like I didn't do good enough and that I'm just plain stupid. I bit, sratched, and guaged myself with my nails. I always felt terrible about it when I saw the mark I left on myself. So it isn't any suprise if you're scared. When i saw that the bruises didn't go away as fast I got scared and knew I had to change. I switched to writing, or talking about it. I now love myself even though I harmed myself. I also loved myself then. You should always love yourself. I know exactly what you are goin through and I know how hard it is to stop. So GOOD LUCK!!!
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