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Getting over what he did to me
I'm 17, and when I was 16 I was sexually abused by an older man. He was about 20. It happened over 4 months ago, yet I can't seem to get over what he did to me. I'm not going to go into details of that night, but I still have nightmares about what he did, and I can't go near certain guys. I feel like all older guys are going to do what he did to me. How can I get over what he did to me? He made me do things that I was NOT READY to do! Please if anyone has any advice on how to get over what he did please tell me.
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Want to answer more questions in the Health & Fitness category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
The first thing you must relize it this: IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT. You may not have had the courage at the time to say no even though you were screaming on the inside. You are experiencing signs of PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder)
Symptoms include:
*Intrusive, upsetting memories of the event
*Flashbacks (acting or feeling like the event is happening again)
*Nightmares (either of the event or of other frightening things)
*Feelings of intense distress when reminded of the trauma
*Intense physical reactions to reminders of the event (e.g. pounding heart, rapid breathing, nausea, muscle tension, sweating)
I recommend you speak to a therapist, counselor, church offical, etc. I also recommend talking with your parents on pressing charges but only after you have given yourself some time to heal from this mentally and emotionally. He took something very prescious from you, and it is going to take a lot of time and healing for you to get it back.
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Seek therapy.
Seriously. Therapists are there specifically because humans are complex, fucked up organisms, and its taken us many many years to unravel our own inner workings. A therapist is there to shorten your time of self discovery and to help illuminate the blind spots we all have and cannot see. When figuring out how to deal with something alone could take years, a therapist can lead you to processes that make coping eaiser, and make recovery from traumatic events quicker.
This is not something you should have to deal with alone, and going to see someone who knows what they're doing could help you out alot in the long run because they can help you see things about yourself that you might not see now, and help you cope with and move on from your past.
Talk to your parents, possibly a school counselor (thats what they're there for) and speak to someone about your issues. Don't feel like you have to settle on one person, its important to feel comfortable with whom you are speaking to. I've visited a counselor before myself, it took me six people before I found someone I could open up to, but when I found someone I was comfy with it helped me a great deal.
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Unfortunately, I have to say Time is Key here with this one. This will serve as one of your life lessons, that you will reflect on from time to time. Your inner strength will slowly guide you from letting it hurt you and bring you down, as well as fear of other men.
Many women experience something like this, thus causing all the warnings we get from our mothers or aunts and so forth.
I'm really sorry this had to happen to you. I was molested as a young girl, and its something that appears to be in my head; we never forget, we can only seek out our inner happiness and let it guide our emotions to find better things to reflect on, rather than the horrible past.
But give it time, and it wont hurt so bad. You may even hold anger in your heart for alittle while longer and in the future with other men, it will prove to be beneficial to you to not share this experience with them. It will not only scare them in being able to please you and make you happy, knowing that you will fear them in some way,but it will also hold you back from giving love that they might very well deserve.
Much luck to you!! Don't lose hope...
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