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Mom doesnt want to celebrate christmas (very long)
Hi, my moms some sort of an alcoholic. Well, the other day my dad and i went to go buy a fake christmas tree that was very costy because we wanted one that looked real. Well, (my parents dont talk to each other because of my mothers behavior) i asked her last night if i could put the tree up. She said what tree? i said my father and i purchased a tree in sears, since we all have new cars and don't want to scratch them, we cant go pick up one. she freaked out telling me to tell my dad to return it, were not celebrating christmas or my 17th birthday this year (dec 22). i calmly asked "why?", she said my sister (21) said not to. So I called her out saying that is bullshit because my sister called me crying saying my mother said were not celebrating christmas this year. I called my sister, put her on speaker and said "why is mom saying your the one who told her not to celebrate christmas" melissa said "mom said...... what....!?" "Mom said you told her not to celebrate christmas" she said "why is she blaming me?!" i said "i dont know what her deal is but shes being a little bitch, and i have you on speaker right now in front of her and she is just embarrassed for lying to me." my sister said "i cant believe you mom, what the fuck" and i hung up.
So, me having temper problems i started screaming at her (i cant help it, i swear). i started throwing things and i took her alcohol and hid it for all of our sake. she opens the fridge for a beer and screams "GOD DAMNIT WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU PUT MY BEER?!?!!!?" she pushed me against the wall and started searching the entire house, not sure if she found it or not. She said "im calling the police on you to take you away". she locked me out of the house while i am sick, in 25 degree weather, snowing. i texted my friend to come get me and she did. so basically i just left my house without letting her know, nothing new there.
this christmas will be really embarrassing because my sisters boyfriend from england (they want to get married) is staying with us from the 21st-jan 8th. and if he sees that my mother isnt allowing us to celebrate my birthday, christmas eve, and christmas day, he'll think differently of us. my moms never been like this before. but every christmas she refuses to open presents with the entire family. she seperates my fathers presents from hers. she makes my sister and i sit in the kitchen while opening her presents, not our living room with the tree. then, after we open all of them, we go to my father. in his office to open his presents. my dads upset that my mom wont allow us to open presents as a family. but, whatever. its something that i cant change i guess..
i called my boyfriend (19) crying telling him what happened. he said that i can come to his grandparents christmas eve celebration in long island (i live in ny) his mother already said i was welcome. and his dads christmas celebration at his grandparents house on christmas day. welll, i never met ryans grandparents/side of the family in long island. i think that would be weird if i did go, they would ask me why im not with my family. i will get upset, and start crying over it. and his dad is an asshole and just calls everyone out on every little mistake so he would make me tell what happened to his entire family on christmas day. another thing that would make me upset. (theres nothing to control his dads behavior, unless if he is on medication)
i am supossed to go to my grandmothers house in ct for christmas eve like every year, excluding my mother. i really want to meet ryans extended family on that side but i dont want to have to tell them about my mothers behaviors.. i think it would be a little weird for me to be there considering he has cousins my age (16, almost 17.. will be 17 at the time) uncles, aunts, family friends, & whoever else.
i really need help. i dont know what to do, this is one huge clusterfuck.
i dont want to go home. if i do, im going to throw another fit. but my dad will be home tonight to help out if i do... what should i do about this? please keep in mind that i have huge temper/emotional problems..
thank you in advance for reading this, all help is appreciated.
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First of all you need to learn to control your temper. Blowing everything out of proportion and using foul language is not going to solve anything, ever. Talk to your mom calmly and explain to her that she really hurt your feelings. Tell her you understand that she obviously does not want to celebrate Christmas, but you do not understand why. Then ask her to explain it to you. Did you ever think maybe the Christmas season stresses her out? All the hype about getting presents is enough to send any parent over the edge, especially in such a tough economy. Make sure she knows you don't just care about the presents. Tell her it means a lot to you just being with your family and that is why Christmas is so important to you.
If she just does not understand, consider spending Christmas with your boyfriend. None of his faimly has to know why you are staying with him. If his father asks, just say you really wanted to meet Ryan's extended family and since your family was not having any big celebration this year, you thought it was the perfect time. Leave it at that. You do not owe them an explanation. Tell your grandparents the same thing.
Good luck :)
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good lord, kiddo. you're definitely in a pickle here, I suggest going with your boyfriend to long island. I know where you're coming from, my alcoholic stepmother used to lock me out in the cold all the time when I was a little kid.. your mom definitely needs help, though if she's not willing to change, you're kind of screwed. you could do a kind of reverse intervention on her; have your dad and sister leave for the holiday( and dump out all of her booze in the middle of the night while having her car keys mysteriously disappear) pipe in christmas music just to mess with her, too. maybe then will she realize that she's so fucked up she drove her whole family away....and thats where the alcoholics anonymous pamphlets cleverly placed all over the house come into the picture. sorry your holiday got ruined kid, if it helps, I'm going to be in a garbage ass situation for christmas too. but we're celebrating festivus instead.
-Gunner
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I am so sorry for your troubles. Your mom is an alcoholic. Everything she does revolved around drinking. Of course she is embarassed by it, and wants to hide from everyone the extent of how much she drinks each day, but she is consumed by it. I don't know why she is so mad at your dad, and that he does nothing about her drinking. Most likely when he does get the courage to bring it up, she blames him. This is classic. All alcoholics do that. Sure your dad may have done something to piss your mom off, maybe he cheated on her, and they won't work together to resolve it, and they won't separate. Probably they tell themselves they are staying together for the sake of the kids. But look what they are making you live with. Their anger, resentment, lack of communication, guilt and substance abuse.
You are righ to be upset, you are right to be mad. It is not wonder you are mad and have emotional problems like outbursts. You have no normal role models. Your mom needs an intervention, but people have to care to do that. It is a difficult task. One that I dont think your father is up to.
You can't fix this problem, but you do have to distance yourself from it. And here let me give you a warning.....As much as you hate your mothers drinking and her bahvior, statistics show that your chances of growing up to be just like her are great, again, because she is your role model. So just keep that in mind for the future.
You need to distance yourself from your family as much as possible. If you have friends and a boyfriend, spend as much time with their families as you can. By all means you should go over to your boyfriends grandparents for Christmas. And you don't have to explain to anyone why you are there. It is no one's business. What kind of people would ask a guest in their home on a holiday, "why are you here and not with your family?" That is very impolite. They should be honored with your presence. And if anyone does ask, just have an answer prepared and repeat as often as necessary. Like, Oh I wanted to get to know (boyfriend's name) family. he always tells me such wonderful stories about his family. It is very normal for young people to want to be with their friends on the holidays. Then you can always say, my family has it's big day on Christmas Day. Whatever.
The fact that you are so worried about what his father MAY say to you, shows that you are trying to control things before they even happen. this is proof that you are growing up in a very chaotic household. Watch out for that. You'll have a very unhappy life ahead of you if you try to control things all the time.
When and if you do get out of this dysfunctional family you are going to need some therapy so you don't end up like any of them.
Good luck to you dear. And yes, I know, because I have been there. I can't remember ever having a nice Christmas with my parents.
Michele
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