|
Boyfriend vs. Bestfriend
=) thank you so much for giving me the advice on my "boyfriend vs. bestfriend" question... and I hope you still remember the question,,,
well,, I'm still a bit worried about my boyfriend,, because well, he's already thought about the future and all... after all, in few months, he's going to medical school and I'm gonna go off to college few months afterwards... he's already talked to his and my parents about his plan to marry me after we finish our study,,, well he'll finish later on since he's taking med, so he's thinking in 6 years we'll get married.. and that's been his goal in life... to marry me, then continue his study to become pediatric and have kids etc etc.. I think if I break up with him,,, I ruin his dreams and everything... because when he chose his university he said, "i chose this because it wouldnt take that long for me to graduate.. so I won't make you wait for me that long..." and the pressure adds on as my parents are completely on his side... is there any way that I don't hurt all of them severely if I want to end this relationship?
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
Its not at all uncommon for people to graduate high school thinking they were going to get married and not. It sounds like your boyfriend has always been more into you than you've been into him, I gather this from the way you talked about "his plans to marry you" instead of "our plans to marry each other"
It sounds like you love the guy, but "in love" is questionable and you definitely aren't the one making marriage overtures.
Your parents will get over it. Period. Its your life and your decisions, and I can promise you that the one thing you WILL regret is getting married so that your family isn't disappointed.
You're 18 or younger. You don't need to be thinking about getting married and "life plans", you shouldn't even be expected to know what you want to do with your own life yet, much less who you want to spend the rest of that life with. I can understand why you're hesitant, I'd feel a bit trapped too if I was your age with a girl going into medical school and telling me "we're getting married as soon as I'm done"
This is one of those cases where I honestly can't give you good "soften the blow" advice. Its going to suck, period. But from your two posts I can tell you're dedicated to this, you jumped right into getting away from the boyfriend. Remember your own instinctive reaction to this, you're running like hell. There's a reason for that, and that reason is you know somewhere that the current situation is not one you're happy with. The way you talked about it just says so much to me "and thats been his goal in life... to marry me"
You sound like someone who wants an equal, someone who is your partner, and not your worshipful loving boyfriend. I get that, I'm married to my best friend as well, and while we became best friends over the course of the relationship, the bottom line of it is that we can and do talk to each other about everything, we fight, but we deal with it pretty damn well, and everything is better. Friendship becomes a shit ton more important when you live with someone and see them every day, have to sleep next to them every night.
My suggestion is simple. Tell everyone that you're young, you don't want to be thinking about marriage right now, you want to be thinking about school and your own future. You obviously feel pressured right now, and you need to spend time focusing on you and figuring out what YOU want out of your life, and you can't be with someone who's making plans with your parents to marry you on his own timeframe when you aren't sure what or where you'll want to be in a few years.
Don't jump right in with the best friend. Take some space and think for a while. Get your own head on straight and spend some more time figuring yourself out. You seem like the kind of person who tries very hard to make people around her happy, and who gets pleasure out of making others around her smile. People like that have to be careful, because the trap is that its entirely possible to worry too much about others and not enough about yourself.
Focus on yourself more. Not your boyfriend, or your best friend, but on you. What do YOU want? Where do YOU want to be in a year. Fuck EVERYONE else, just focus on you and think about it for a while.
If you'd like to talk more, feel free to send me more. Next time you do though, I want some of your own thoughts on you. I want a bit more perspective on who you are, what you like, and what you want out of your own life (even if its just the beginning thoughts of "maybe this"). If your boyfriend wasn't in the picture at all (and neither was the best friend) what would you be doing with your life?
]
More Questions: |