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completely heart broken
i need as much advice as possible because i'm so confused and torn apart...
i don't know if you remember me but i'm that girl who asked all those questions about getting back together with my boyfriend over the summer and going on vacation with him. (we started dating aug. 11.2008 broke up april 26th 2009 then started going back out july 20th 2009 and now broke up again november 27th 2008 :/)...we both are 17 by the way.
okay so tonight he dumped me. again. i can't sleep, i can't eat, and theres this huge hole in my heart. i told myself i would never get this attached but its too late, because i am. it is impossible for me to get over him....three months wasn't enough i feel like its going to be longer this time if we don't end up getting back together.
he said he broke up with me because he feels like i contribute way more in the relationship than he does and he feels like its not fair to me. but then he said he loves me and cares about me and doesn't know what to expect after we break up....i said to him "i want to be sure this is what you want because i'm not coming back this time"....he said "yeah i know..id be a jerk to ask you out again" he said that ill always have an effect on him because its the first love kinda thing with both of us.
its really weird too because like a week ago he was telling me how the first time we broke up he was a mess and thought of me every night thinking that it would go away but it didn't for 3 months. so he asked me back out and things were good but then he said that he felt like he didn't want to hang out with me sometimes and wanted to be with his friends but thats understandable because i do too. ugh i know i said i wasn't coming back, but deep down i know i am if he will....im so crazy abot this guy....
and one more thing, everytime he says "i love you" like a couple months later we break up....i've mentioned this to him and he seems afraid of it...he says he meant it and i'm positive that he meant it becase i can tell especially the way he looked into my eyes but he says he doesn't want to be like an old married couple already and i think the words "Ilove you" remind him of that.
what do you think is the best way to play it so we can get back together? should i tell him all of this? he said he wanted to try the friends thing so we can hang out after a little awhile. but we hung out last time we broke up by ourselves and we ended up getting back together...he said he wanted to start hanging out in groups first though so that doesn't happen...but i secretly want it to :/ when should i call him/text him? like how long should i give it? i know i should wait until he texts me first but he told me to let him know when i'm ready to hang out again. this is seriously the hardest thing i've ever been through.
i want him back so badly. im trying the best i could to stay positive but things aren't going so well. i'm so in love and this is eating me from the inside out. i want him back. i know he loves me. he's just so confused and he has family problems going on at home (his mom is cheating on his dad overseas) and i want to be there for him i love him so much and i honestly think he's making a hugee mistake. how do i get him back? please help :(
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like the adviser below me said, gettin over your first love is one of the hardest things to do. i still beat myself over the head over my first love and its been waaay long.
the reason i had to let my first love go is because whenever we didnt talk to for a lil while hed go back to his exgirlfriend, and it hurt so bad everytime.
you guys break up a lot, and it obviously hurts you a lot. no matter how great this guy is and how much you love him, do you deserve the pain and heartache this relationship causes you ? do you really want to get back together so you can get hurt again ?
honestly, even though you think hes makin a mistake, you need to let him make it. its his right to do what he feels is necessary. you make think its crazy, wrong, or stupid - but you need to think of how he sees it. i say that you leave him alone for a while, even though it kills. that can give him time to see that either he cant live without you or he can. if you keep talkin to him a lot he wont get a chance to see what its like without you.
if it were me, i wouldnt date him again. love is blind, and youre blinding yourself as to how he keeps hurtin you. tellin you that he loves you and then breakin up with you a few months later REPEATEDLY ? thats a really mean thing to do to someone. if he comes back to you, you really need to tell him why you feel so hurt ! he wont know what hes doing until you tell him.
dont agree to date him again unless you seriously talk about where this relationship is goin. you guys are gonna be adults soon and that would mean maybe movin out together, careers, clubs...etc. if you dont know where yall are goin, the adult life could rip yall apart.
KEEP AWAY FROM HIM FOR NOW. surround yourself with good friends, pick up some hobbies like sports or art, and just do some things for yourself ! give yourself a little time to heal, then when youre really ready (id give it a few months a least), then hang out with him. hangin out with him to soon can make you just fling youself at him without solvin anythin.
i really really hope everythin works out for you guys and if you need anythin else im only a click away :)
x sweeethoney
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First loves are always the hardest and you never truly get over it. It is completely normal to still feel the pain and to feel like your heart has been ripped out. Its been 3 years since my first love and I find myself still having trouble breathing without him. I find other people to date but it isn't the same and I have a feeling it will never be, I wouldn't talk with his friends about, he is the person you should talk to him face to face or on the phone. You don't want to talk to his friends because they will tell him and he will feel like you can't talk to him. For him to break up with you because he feels he is doing shows that he cares more about you than he does himself. He is hurting because if he weren't he would have no problem talking to you. If he is having family issues then he is probably protecting you from getting in the middle. Hes pushing you away to avoid hurting you again but deep inside I guarentee that he really wants you by his side. I believe that he is waiting for your call and once you make that call, everything will fall into place. I don't think it is too soon and if you are completely honest with him about your feelings he will see that he is making a mistake. Tell him that you are worse when hes not around that it feels like he ripped a part of you out and the only way you will be able to breathe again is if he is there again. When he chooses to leave in the best interest of you, it makes things so much worse. If he is all about what makes you happy then tell he is what makes you happy and he will stay with you if he wants to continue to keep that promise.
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