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please help...
Okay i have a girlfriend, and I'm bisexual (mostly gay) and she doesn't support me at all. I want to break up with her so badly not that i want to hurt her but for 6 months now I've put up with her downing me. She lives with me and her family moved out of state, i want to break up with her but i don't want her to be on the streets or end up moving out of state. Because i want to still be friends and i slightly don't want to lose someone that's close to be. But when i think about it i get depressed. But i can't live my life like this and i don't want her feelings hurt either
Her feelings matter too, so please i need as much help as i can get.
Love Beau
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Okay Beau,
Here's the skinny...
Many bisexual men see men on the DL (Down Low). They are satisfied with one woman and they keep their bisexuality secret. Some have one male lover for long periods, some keep several guys on call, and some sleep with random men anonymously. The women never know.
Some gay guys who want to hide in the closet date girls with low self esteems that will tolerate their bisexual affairs. Although eventually those can fall apart with her blowing up his spot.
It sounds to me like you are accepting that you are gay and not bi. You're just a gay guy who needs to talk to your girl "friend", because that's all she really is to you. Am I right? She wants it to be more, but you don't have it in you. They used to call those "fag hags".
You are not responsible for her, she is a grown person. Tell her that she's wrong for putting you down. If she gets angry and leaves, she'll find a place to live. But tell her that either she accepts you as you are or she has no place in your life.
I'm paraphrasing a line from the movie "Torch Song Trilogy" with Harvey Fierstein when he tells his mother that if she can't respect him then she has no place in his life. You should watch it, "Torch Song Trilogy" that is.
At any rate, stop wasting your precious gay time with this intolerant hag and find you a nice handsome gay guy who doesn't down you.
Or live the lie of the closeted man and cheat on your future wife.
It's ultimately up to you, it's your life.
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Talk to her about how you feel. You two won't get anything done unless you work it out and try to solve the problem.
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The number one thing you need to understand is that if two people can't support each other no matter what the circumstances are than there is no relationship and that meaning friendship as well. If you feel that it would be in your best interest to end the relationship than you need to have a sit down with her and let her know how you feel and why you feel the way you do. It takes a lot for someone to come out and tell someone that they are gay/lesbian/bisexual and it is even harder when we tell the ones we love the most because we are afraid of rejection. 6 months is a long time to be put down by someone, I give you credit for lasting that long but the truth is it sounds like it is time to approach her. The more you think about it the more depressed, stressed, and drained you will feel. Nobody needs someone who is going to be a downer on them and the truth is if she doesn't support you now than she probably won't support you as being your friend either. I understand that everyone has feelings but sometimes you need to put yourself first.
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