|
Abandonment Issues!!!!
16/f
When I become hurt, it’s usually caused by the feeling that someone is leaving or abandoning me. It’s much like those feelings that come to you your first time lost in a store as a child. Those gut wrenching feelings that indicate to you that you’re alone and have nowhere to go. It’s this feeling, the feeling you feel when you’ve lost all hope and are left hopeless and defenseless, that overwhelms me. I become mute and regress back into a child; a child that can no longer decide for themselves and one which searchers eagerly for some sort of substance to rely upon.
It’s times like this where I make the wrong choices. I become so focused on finding some sort of release that I make rash decisions; decisions which do not normally reflect me and decisions which I then lament for days. It’s not a matter of morals. My morality and ethics lose all validity and in no way dictate the actions I take. (for example, i'll finally find someone but they'll have the wrong intentions but i become so emotional that i go with it.) I become numb.
This release I get, it’s like a drug. When I don’t have it, I fall into withdrawal. I lose all coherencies and break down into tears for hours. Many times I’ll cry until late in the morning.
During one of these rare withdrawal outbreaks I’ll normally attempt to drown myself out with music. I’ll lie in bed, listening to music and bawl.The pain I go through is agenizing. “Why does everyone keep leaving me?” I ask myself wanting to, simultaneously, to hurt my, self loathing, self pitying self, while grasping myself tightly in search of comfort. It's like as if I'm having a mental breakdown. I wonder what it is that I do that keeps driving people away. "They only reason they have to leave me is if I disappoint them or do something wrong."
I’ll continue this until my body becomes weak and it becomes difficult to continue on. The irrepressible rapidity of my breathing overwhelms me to the extent where I eventually pass out. When I awake, I’ll either continue on from where I last left off or sleep it off and learn to repress my ill feelings and move on begrudgingly though my daily routine, acting as if nothing had ever happened.
I went to a therapist not long ago and ended up bawling. She never aknowledged the fact that I might have abandonment issues being that I'm adopted but at the moment I feel extremely overwhelmed and need help.
Please some advice. thank you.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Health & Fitness category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
Worst advice ever..
You have every reason to rate me a 1.
But I just want you to know you're not alone. I feel the same way. I was pretty shocked when reading that. Right now I'm single but my ex asks me to hang out at least twice a week and I alway says yes, just because I feel like I need it. But I always know what's going to happen the day after we hang out. He pretends like it never happened, and he leaves me again. He leaves me everyday. I'm sorry that I don't know what to say to you, I just want you to know you're not alone.
]
Well first I'd like to say that you seem to be a VERY intelligent young girl. Are you religious? I'm not personally, but if theres anything I've learned over time, its that god exists at least in the eyes of everyone who believes in him. Pick up a bible and read it. With god on your side, whether he exists or not, you'll never feel alone. If thats not really your style, reach out to your close personal friends and family. Let everyone know how you feel. I promise they'll all pamper you and take care of you. There are all sorts of social communities you can join for assistance. One last suggestion, I'd recommend a hobby. Maybe try learning guitar? A few strums on my squire usually brings my mind to rest. If you need anymore advice, please just keep posting, I will try my best to always answer you. Even if I don't, someone else with good intentions will. You're not alone. No matter what you do, there will always be someone waiting for you with open arms. I promise.
]
More Questions: |