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Sex, Relationships, and the Future
25/F. I have only had sex once, when I was 19, and only for literally a few minutes. What could have gone wrong, did go wrong: the condom broke, the guy (same age) freaked out and panicked, told me to leave his apartment ( i know, total asshole), and I took plan B two days later. I got tested for STD's, and got a pregnancy test. The jerk did not even call me until a month later, only to ask if I had gotten my period. Seriously. Total prick.
To be clear, I was very naive at that point. I did not stick up for myself in the least, and did something I was not at all comfortable doing. I didn't even date this guy, and already knew he had a girlfriend. These are things I would NEVER, EVER even think of doing now, all these years later, but again, I was very naive and impressionable at that point in my life. I have grown, by a lot.
Now, all these years later, I am concerned about a couple of issues. First, I haven't ever had a real boyfriend. It is getting to a point for me where i should be meeting someone- but I am absolutely unwilling to just settle. I am just concerned because my previous encounters with guys have been meaningless-- i haven't even dated anyone in over two years. Second, the experience I had when I was 19 has made me wonder how I will react when I do have sex again. I have grown and matured by so much since then; I feel like a different person, in a way. But still, I think about how the situation was then, and how awkward I felt...how painful it was, how I didn't know what I was doing, etc. And it makes me wonder how I will, perhaps even unconsciously feel, when I have sex with someone who really means something to me. So I feel like I have built some sort of a wall. If a guy were to approach me, and we hit it off, I seriously don't know how a relationship would progress, how i would bring up that I'd only had sex once, and it was terrible, how I hadn't dated in a long time....so, so many issues.
Any thoughts and/or advice? If anyone has been in similar sorts of situations as me, it would be very helpful. Thanks
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Yeah you had a rough past, but that was six years ago, time to move on. I hate to sound so rude, but really I'm just trying to help. For what it's worth every girl deals with a jerk for the most part; unless your Mother Teresa or something who was a nun. If you date and someone asks you about your past, tell them it's the past and you want to leave it there. You don't have to tell anybody anything you don't want to. If you do decide to do so though, get to know the person really well. However, if you stick to not wanting to tell him, do not ask him about his past. That's not really fair to ask of his if he doesn't know yours. You'll be fine chicka.
xoxo,
dottie4
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It's important that you've grown since you were "naïve and impressionable", and there's always a second chance. Personally, my first few sexual encounters were meaningless, and it wasn't until a certain girl that I realized how important sex can be, and how meaningful it can be if you truly care about the person.
If you date a good guy, he should understand about the sex, and guide you through your first (real) sexual experience with care.
When you feel like you're ready, that's when you can go back out there and start dating again. It's not true that you can "lose it" if you don't use it. You have to know what you are looking for in a guy. Then again, not every date has to be someone you will marry. There is such a thing as casual dating, it's harmless and can be fun. The key is to strike a balance that you feel comfortable.
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