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humorist-workshop
who to lose it to
ok, i'm 19f. i dated this guy [19m] on and off since i was 15, mostly on. we were both virgins when we started dating and still are. he was my 1st for everything else [except kissing] and i was his. we've been broken up since march, but everytime we see each other, which isnt too often because we still have problems, mainly with him always being with this other girl who he claims not to like and says he still wants and loves me, yet shes always saying she loves him and stuff [theyve never even dated], anyway whenever we're actually in each others presense, we're fine with each other and usually fool around.
so fast forward to now. im in college 3 hours from home. two weeks ago i met this guy at a bar and have seen him everyday since. he's so sweet, caters to me in every way he can, and i enjoy spending time with him. he wants to date me, but i dont want to rush into something serious, so we're still "talking". he's been with 17 girls! which he said is a thing of the past and now he wants a relationship, and feels bad because i usually pick at him for having such a big number ha. but he knows im a virgin and is fine with the fact that i told him i wont be giving it up to him any time soon.
the problem is, i've always said i'd regret it if i lost it to anyone but my ex. we have almost 4 years of history together, we were each others first loves. he'd be so disappointed if he knew i gave it up to someone else, and i think i would be too. he was a big part of my life, and i still want to lose it to him. everytime we're together, it almost happens, and last weekend when i saw him, it really almost did, but didn't. i just dont know what to do now. if i lose it to my ex and my new guy finds out, im afraid he'll be crushed and leave me, which i dont want because im really starting to like him a lotttt and could see myself officially dating him pretty soon. on the other hand, my ex doesnt know about my new guy. and im afraid if i lose it to him and he finds out ive been talking to this other guy all along, he'll be pissed. but im more concerned about the latter. what to do here? by the way, im not trying to rush anything. i am 19, and it's bound to happen sooner or later.
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hun this guy has been with 17 girls! you don't know if he has any std's... it's really not a safe thing for you to have sex with so i don't think you should be with either of them:) find someone better.
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Well its kind of a win/ lose situation! Instead of having sex with your ex...go for the new guy there is a reason why your ex is your ex. I know you still have feelings for your ex but that doesn't mean you should have sex with him. I would say get to know the new guy and whenever you're ready you should start dating. Who cares if your ex get pissed? Your ex had a chance and well its his loss. As cruel as that may sound its true!
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Way to GO!! Good job!! Im glad to read you really are taking the time to think about this...even though many say its not a big deal just have sex...i dont agree. Honestly my opinion is this dont ever have sex with someone because you feel you owe it to him or her. Sex is tha act but love..ah..love is the "thing" the motivates you through your hearts true emotional feeling. If your ex is not ready to commit to you honestly and sincerley with a willing truthfull heart then i would do what you are doing ...just wait and not have sex, constantly remind yourself this is not what i want i dont want to loose my virginity or have sex in this way. alsway remind yourself the things you do not want in a man, remind yourself everyday train your heart and mind to reach that goal. Just like when we want to be a doctor, architec, or any goal in life you stay focused you dream you feel it heck you even can smell and taste the victory of your hard works accomplishment and the satisfaction of voctory is the feeling you get when you finish the race you once began. I dont believe in using sex for leverage in my opinion you should never enslave anyone including yourself because of sex..i have said this before you can always have sex tomorrow now may not always be good. The only thing i see that you owe your ex is the respect towards what you and him once had the memories and the testimony of the way he was with you. THATS ALL!! nothing more nothing less !. with this new guy i would be EXTREMELEY CAUTIOUS!! I have said this before sex is and can be very additive...dont get lost in it. This new guy in the way it seems likes you BUT!! he also really wants to have sex again, maybe with you or maybe with someone else but who knows?? who knows not me and not you but what you do know is that its your body and your feelings that is YOUR responsibility to care for now pain you will never be able to avoid but you will be able to control the amount of burden that you choose to take. This new guy may be sweet and treat you well but you dont really know him youve known your ex for over years and you still dont know him see what i mean? I would like to also say this to you and all women/female/ young girls out there...sex is a benefit in a relationship yes many now days dont like to hear about marriage so i wont go that route... but sex is a benefit like a job benefit now when you work most employers give you some kind of benefits right? health, sick days, vacation, some even discounts right? wel sex is part of a benefits package and just like the benefits package an employer would offer you they would only offer it to you if you work for them right? so why in the world you you give someone those benefits if you are not sure that person will be resposible and commited?...i hope you understand where im going with this..whomever you decide to share you sexual experience or encounter please make sure you think about it very well...once you do have sex that 1st experience can never be relived make sure the person whom you will give that sexual benefit being vaginal oral or yep anal is working with you and is dedicated, loyal, commited and is going to respect you your body your feelings your mind your hopes your dreams your family your all, we as humans are not perfect and thats ok but theres a diffrence between imperfect and screwed up you decide what path you want to go. Also theres a whole world out there and many people too just like you once thought your ex was the only one that existed that deserved your love... you know see yourself falling again for someone else...keep an open mind not open legs (sorry if i offended you with that comment) and see that it is possible for you to have choices and options....because you do.
Thank you for the time and the opportunity to give you my opinion. I hope this helps if it doesnt let me know or email me thank you.
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okay, in my opinion you basically answered your own question, i'm referring to "he WAS a big part of my life". Your ex is exactly that, your EX, so i don't think you should be specifically holding out for him as there is a reason you broke up in the first place. Also, ths other guy sounds so nice, the fact that he's willing to hold on until you're ready, shows that he does like you and guys that sweet i'm afraid to say, aren't that common. Now, i'm just going to presume here but you and your ex may fool around every so often but you're not going to get back together, where as there is a very good chance you and the other guy are going to get together, and you sound very compatible so i say give it a go. =] long answer, i know but i had to explain myself. the other guy! x
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