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Is he using me or he loves me?
Hi, i just read some advice you gave and it was a breath of fresh air, you are full of realism and that’s what I need. I'm a dominican girl.
I met a boy seven months ago who happens to be my boyfriend. I decided to have relations (sex) with him shortly after I met him. He is my first boyfriend and my first at all. He is a very nice person and a nice boy. But sometimes I feel like I’ve made a huge mistake and rushed in to all, I mean I love him, but I'm having doubts about the having relation thing. I think I wasn’t prepared and now I can’t get out. I feel trap and I’m trying to make it work because it was my decision and have to assume consequences. Sometime I feel very happy with him but sometimes I just want to stop and be like we used to be before (having relations) and I have talked to him about that, to stop having relations (sex), but he gets upset and different, he says he trying to forget and that is hard to be “normal”, and I understand but he gets to the point where he doesn’t want to even kiss me, so I decided to forget about me and like just think I’m being overdramatic and to just do it. But right now I don’t feel so good about myself, because, it has happened a couples of times where he gets upset with me because it has passed a whole week and we haven’t had the time to “do it” and he gets a little indifferent to me during that time and I feel used, like if he only loved me for that, but then we talked about it and its all good again. Right now I just want to know if he cares about me, if I’m too young and not mature enough, or if I’m asking for too much (to stop having relations). I’m 21 years old and he is 22. Please please my head is not ok, I’m not in peace because of this situation, I can’t talk to nobody about this. And I don’t feel ready to introduce him to my parents even though he wants to. What does that means?
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Thank you again for allowing me to give you my opinion. I will start by saying this its ok. I can understand why you no longer want to continue on having a sexual relationship with this person and i am sorry for the way things are with him, i will say this try not to let anyone ever use sex as a tool leverage, it hurts our feeligns and hurts us spiritualy and it will hurt us physically I know he is your first and the first one in many many discoveries besides sexual experiences, however i dont agree in what is in my opinion bad behavior. You are so right in stating that you might have rushed into sex so fast at such a young age and its ok, really its ok its going to be ok dont feel bad we all learn diffrently and i know that if you had the chance to go back and take your time you would have sex in a very deffrent way, now in my opinion i think you should reassure yourself that you Do NOT want to have sex until you feel that you are sure of the steps you want to make ,...in other words make sure you dont want to have sex until YOU want to have ex again. NO one i mean NO ONE shoudl ever pressure you into having sex NO ONE if they love you they can love you with out sex.
I am not saying to need to break up with him but you will have to be strong and accept that you might have to. I have said this in the past...sex can be addictive and i think thats what he is going through. If you dont feel good about yourself after you have sex with him then its not your true desire and i dont agree with him making you go through that, he really needs to be a man and accept you for who you are but most importantly LOVE you. He is making a lot of mistakes and i think you can see them and that discourages you. A question to you from me would be Do you love him? and do you see him in your future..his behavior, his ways, his thoughts, and his ways of expressions do you see yourself happy with them? does he physically hurt you or is he emotionally hurting you? so many questions i know but what im trying to let you do is think about what you really want and to support your decision.
You are not too old or too young you are just right but is HE the one right for you? If he ever threatens to tell your family or publicly humiliate you ..leave him its his word against yours. If you dont feel he has worked hard to earn your respect then do what you have done...dont let him meet your parents he needs to straighten up his behavior. I mean what if you marry him? is this what he will do? A husband has no right demanding and forcing his wife into sex...its called rape....and if hes your boyfriend and pressuring you or forceing you to have sex with him ...thats also rape. Hes not your husband he has no right to that benefit. I say this to you and please i dont want you to feel bad because i dont want to offend and hurt you but i finish with this sex is a benefit in a relationship along with respect, dedication, loyalty.... if you have ever had a job the great majority of them offer some kind of benefit...vacation, sick days, discounts, holiday pay or something right? well only if you work there are you intitled to those benefits right? i mean you cant get the nebefits if you dont work there right? ....well if his not working with you emotionally, physically then dont give him the benefit he has not worked for. remember that you will have to be willing to let him go, there are going to be people out there willing to love you and start a new begining with out the sex being the most important subject. If you start a relationship based on sex it will always be just that a sexual relationship. Love can exist without sex being the fondation of a relationship.
I hope this helps, and feel free to contact me.
I thank you for your time to ask for an opinion. I would like to offer you my email should you feel the need for a more private conversation its
oktalktome@yahoo.com you will be more than welcome to email me at your convenience. I will answer your question in private if you wish?
I will await for your responce. thank you
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