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Stay friends?
I'm a fifteen year old girl and I have this guy friend who told me that he likes me. But in the past I have been told by another friend of mine that he said the same thing to her. He is always giving other girls hugs and flirting with them, but I think that is just his personality, because he is extremely social. I'm not sure though. After he told me he liked me, I told him that we should just be friends. We don't really know that much about each other, because we don't go to the same school and my mom won't allow me to hang out with any guy friends.(UGH!) She doesn't seem to understand the difference between a friend that's a guy, and a boyfriend. So I only get to see him once a week. A few days later he said that we could hang out more often and get to know each other better, and just go from there. He thinks that we should see how we are together, and that if it doesn't work out than to remain friends. Everything seems so easy when I'm around him. My life usually feels really complicated. Also I'm not a social person, but with him talking comes so easily. I have really low self esteem, but he makes me feel good about myself. I'm not really sure how I feel about him though. I'm not very good with emotions, and identifying what they are. In fact I'm pretty much an empty shell when I'm not around him. I feel like a normal person with him, but as far as I can tell nothing else. What should I do? And if I should hang out with him more often, or date, how do I get around my mom?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
First off, I highly suggest that you do not go behind your mother's back to see this boy. That's just asking for trouble. Your mother has some very valid points about you not hanging around with guys much. Though she may have not made these points very clear to you, she is in the right.
Teens your age are becoming sexually promiscuous and making very bad choices. It begins with hanging around with the wrong crowd or with people of the opposite gender when unattended by an adult. You, as a teenager, are still very much learning. You can be put in a very difficult situation and have something very bad happen to you or make a bad choice and end up regretting it for the rest of your life. Your mother is providing safety right now.
Instead of trying to get around your mother with this you should confront her about it. Ask for her permission to have a boy come over and hang out at your house. Remind her that she will be home at all times and that she will be in charge of when the person is over and when it is time to leave. Let her know that you understand why she doesn't want you to have a boyfriend right now and you respect that but you would like to be able to have friends of any gender.
Agree to your mother's wishes. If she says you two cannot be in your bedroom then go with it. If she says you two have to have the room's door open then accept that. Your mother is ruler of the house. You haven't had a chance to earn her trust yet in these situations so you're going to have to work from the floor up.
You and your friends can very well hang out at your house. If you have video games that is a perfect start. If you don't then try a movie--VHS, DVD, BLU-RAY. Think of anything that might be acceptable and try that out. Explain your plans to your mother before suggesting them to your friend. Explain to your friends that your mother's rules are what is acceptable, even if this means she sits in the room with you while you watch a movie.
In time you will earn your mother's trust and she will see you growing and maturing in a very smart woman. Trust me, it will happen if you stay on her terms and behave yourself. One day you'll be able to say, "BOYSNAME, asked me if I wanted to go to a movie with him this weekend. It's THISMOVIE and it runs from TIME to TIME. I told him that I needed to talk with you about it first since I haven't ever been in this sort of situation. How do you feel about me going, Mom? I thought maybe you could even drop me off and pick me up..."
Your mother is right.
Betraying her and breaking the trust before it's even built up is a very, very bad thing. You want to be on her good side, even if that means taking things exceptionally slow with your male friend.
By the way, it sounds to me that you have a bit of a crush on the guy. This would mean that you have happy feelings toward him. Feelings of attraction. It means you like him and asking if you should take it to the next level (a relationship) if presented with it means you have already developed feelings for him.
Do not let yourself base your self esteem from what a guy tells you or makes you feel. It isn't healthy to only get your joy from other people because they may leave in some manner at any point. I'm not saying to distrust them but I'm saying that you need to develop your own self-esteem and self-concept before jumping into a relationship with anyone. Please consider taking up some volunteer work locally in your community. This very much helps to build self-worth and to find your place in society. Feeling like an empty shell is not healthy, especially when the only time you don't is when you are with a particular person. It's excruciatingly hard on the other person, even if you think they don't know.
That's what you should do.
Sit down with your mother and ask for her permission.
Don't get defensive.
In time you will gain trust.
Hopefully during that time you will gain respect for yourself and understand that you aren't worthless.
Then you can let things develop into something more than a friendship.
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