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Long Sorry! In a relationship, but loving someone else
Okay so this is a typical situation I think, but one thats killing me
I have been with my partner for 2 and a half years.
We have had a bad bad time for most of it, and admittedly he treats me very bad, I have everyone telling me he treats me really bad, and even I know it, but its like I am stuck to him, I couldnt imagine life without him, seeing him with someone else would break my heart, and hes like my rock.
I have known someone called Fraser for 5 years, and we never used to talk, but I got very close to his Mum, and she was very much like my second Mum. He works in New Zealand, so spends most of his time there, but when he came home, and I met him for the first time ever since about 3 years, we got on like a house on fire, and turns out, he admitted having feelings for me, and I also too have feelings for him. And they are not small feelings, I feel really strongly for him, I am going to miss him more than words can describe next week, as he is due to fly to NZ again for 3 months. We have discussed it but he wants to get together when he gets back if we both feel the same, I know I will, and he said he is pretty sure he will. But the thing is, I will never leave my current boyfriend, I have told him this but he said he is hoping if I care about him enough, I will see how badly my current boyfriend treats me and I will leave him, but I know I wont :( , I just know it. I have tried splitting with him before and I find it basically impossible. I am not sure what to do now because I have so many feelings for Fraser, but I also don't want to jeapordise our friendship, or make things awkward if I want to go over and see his Mum and he is there, I am hoping, if me and Ben do ever split up that Fraser will be single and maybe we could give it a go, what would you do? What have you done if you have been in this situation? I am so lost, I just keep crying, not understanding whats best :(
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You basically said that the relationship you are currently in needs to end. If he treats you badly than clearly it is not a healthy relationship. I know it would be hard to end it, I have been in that situation once before. I came to realize in time that when it comes to difficult relationships sometimes it is best to be single for awhile than to deal with the stress and pressure from the current relationship because in the long run it only brings you down. The guy that is from NZ I know you said you two started to develop feelings for one another but if he is going back to NZ for 3 months then you know that there is a possibility there that even that will not work out. You're best bet is to get out of the relationship that you are currently in now because if it is as bad as you say it is than you know that it will never work out anyway and the more you stay with him the more you prolong the pain. I would get out now take sometime to heal and than try to find happiness that is close to you and will work out and is healthy.
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You seem to have a whole bunch of hopes and no actually plan for happiness.
It can't be fun to be so damn hopeful and so damn miserable at the same time.
You are in a relationship that you know is crap.
You can’t find a way to end it.
You still can’t find a way to end it when someone better practically falls into your lap!
What can anyone possibly tell you?
There is nothing to do. (The only thing to do, is dump the asshole, and you already ruled that out.)
It doesn’t matter what anyone else did or would do, there is nothing for you to at all until you decide to climb out of this perfect trap you've set for yourself, and instead of all this HOPE try and reach for some actual HAPPINESS.
There is nothing to do. Nothing at all to do, or think (there isn't even much reason to hope) until you find a way to end a relationship you know can never make you happy.
Sitting around and hoping the misery will magically go away, and happiness might magically still be available, is a horrible plan. You’d probably feel better if you made a better one.
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