|
family problems
my family has never really had problems, but lately, it's just been like one thing after the other. at the beginning of last year, my cousin and grandmother had cancer. i was so stressed with everything happening in my life that i was doing horrible in school and i became anorexic, because it was just the only thing that was resulting from all the stress. Thank God that my cousin and grandmother were cured by a miracle and are both doing perfectly fine. I recovered from my eating disorder. I ended school well, graduated, and started college this year. I still live at home, but I go to a state school, I was working, but I stopped because right now, my schedule was a little too hectic and hopefully when it changes, it will be easier to earn a little extra cash on the side.
I feel terrible about this, but the day of graduation I had a huge fight with my mom. We woke up the next morning and were still fighting. Those who know my mom understand that she doesn't let go of things. She'll say something is okay, and make up with you, and the next day, she'll give you dirty looks and won't talk to you. So, that's exactly what happened the day after. I remember I woke up at like 1 in the afternoon because i had a long night. She kept on with her looks, but i ignored her because I knew better. Until she started screaming and throwing her tantrum where she throws herself to the floor and screams. I was so angry that I just cried and told her I hated her and that she wasn't my mother and that i wanted my mother. I know it sounds mean and all, but you weren't there and everyone says things they dont mean every once in a while.
well anyway, by that i meant that she wasn't acting like herself. that she was being impossible, and that wasn't the same person I knew. Then she told me "you're right, i'm not you're mother." and that's how she decided to tell me that i was adopted. Ever since that day, I get these sparatic bursts of anger. It's like I get really mad and if anyone comes near me, i scream. I burst into tears, throw myself on the floor,cry like a madwoman. Then, when it's all over, I don't remember what happened. My mom asked me why it is that I get so angry. I told her I think it's because I felt lied to. Everyone in my life knew about it: aside from my parents/grandparents and other obvious family members, my best friend knew, her parents knew, my boyfriend knew, his parents knew, my cousins, who have been like brothers/sisters to me knew. They all knew! So it's just that I feel like everyone kept all these secrets from me... i think it's normal to feel angry.. not necessarily that they didn't tell me I was adopted, just the fact that everyone in my life has been keeping secrets from me. I understand and am grateful and everything like that. But imagine, that for 18 years, all those people knew, and NO ONE said ANYTHING! It was so well kept, i didn't even SUSPECT! i even look just like my mom. And I'm angry that she didn't tell me in a loving way. She told me in a fight.
Needless to say, she got mad, hasn't spoken to me all day. She doesn't deal with things or feelings of others,s he just gets mad and doesn't speak to anyone. So, I don't know what to do. My family has never had so many problems, and I don't know why it's starting now. i don't know why I get those sudden bursts of anger, but I don't like it. It scares me and I can't control it, it's like I just can't stop crying.... and loud cries. And when anyone tries to console me, I push everyone away. I'm about to lose my whole family to a mental issue I can't control..... what can i do? i've never been this type of person. This isn't me and I"m scared. I'm a nice girl: honor roll, cheerleader, dean's list, go to college, same friends since i was 6. Same boyfriend since i was 16. I'm not a trouble-maker. I just don't know what's wrong!
Any comforting words are appreciated.
Thanks.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
Wow...thats a lot to absorb in such a short period of time.
BUT I would like to say that everything you mentioned are life experiences. Not one thing in your story is of the abnormal.
Everyday people go through what you have and more. Illnesses, death, adoption, anxiety, fear, anger and so much more. So just take a deep breath and understand that this will blow over.
I was told at the age of 36 that my father wasnt my real father and that my mom cant exactly tell me where my biological father is but she has told me some things about him. It was hard but I faced it and moved forward.
I wouldnt take it out on your mother. So many people adopt children to protect them and give them a better life. Much better than a foster or childrens home. Trust me I have been a sponsor and mentor and you wouldnt complain if you knew the way the children were moved from one place to another. Several even abused at the hands of their foster parents.
So just allow it a little time to absorb. Try to calm down. Take some time to yourself and possibly write all the things you feel down. Even some questions and give it to your mom. Its much easier to write things than to say them sometimes...
God bless and things arent so bad
]
You mentioned that you just graduated High School, It could be that you are growing up and becoming an adult and your mother does not know how to handle it. The whole adoption thing well it wasn't exactly the nicest way to come out and tell you that you were adopted no, but we can't change what happened. I myself was adopted also and I did also did not find out until I was about 17 years old. We all have mixed feelings when we are told that we come from another family but that doesn't mean we were lied too. The fact is it is probably best not to know until you have reached the age of 18 when you become an adult. Why? because adoption is supposed to be kept private and information is supposed to also be kept private for your protection. You should not be mad at your mother for not telling you you were adopted because she kept it private for your sake. Don't forget blood related or not she raised you, was there for you, and put a roof over your head. You can try to talk to your mother in a calm manner as that is the way to solve and fix things. Tell her how you feel and most of all tell her you love her. You becoming an adult can't be the easiest thing for her to handle and sometimes the words "I love you Mom" are exactly what a mom needs to hear.
]
More Questions: |