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i'm not the person i want to be
I think I'm depressed. Almost a year ago I tried to kill myself and now the anniversary is coming up on October 29th. I'm scared, I'm taking risks like hitchhiking, going to raves,doing drugs and drinking, and having random hookups that make me feel disgusting the next day. I'm so young (I'm 14! People call me mature though)to be this fucked over. This morning my mom recommended that I drop out of school becasue I'm just not trying anymore. I used to be smart, and I barely had to put in any effort. Now I don't put in any. At all. I have a C in English, that used to be my best class. My relationships are falling apart, I'm confused about my sexuality... I am not talking to my Dad though I think he wants to help. I hate self hate but I'm finding it hard to stay positive. Any advice you have for me is loved and appreciated.
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Want to answer more questions in the Health & Fitness category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
You certainly sound depressed. It might seem like the end of the world, but it isn't. YOU can make the changes you need.
First, tell your parents you need some help and guidance. Ideally, they will be supportive. Or talk to a counselor at school or call a mental health center. Find a counselor you feel comfortable with. Search until you find the right one.
Then take things in small steps. Cut out the negative behaviors, they will only add to the problem. Replace them with things that are positive.
I don't think there is any such thing as "used to be smart." You are still smart, you have just hit a rough spot. You have merely forgotten all your fine qualities. Remember them. Write them down.
Again, small steps. You are good in English, probably because you like English. Write a journal. Write about your problems, write about ways you can solve them. Write letters to the people in your life (but don't mail them). Ask them anything you want, tell them anything you want. See want that reveals.
Read. There is a whole world of experience in books. You don't have to learn all the hard lessons alone. Other people are always available to help you, through books. Or just read a book because it makes you feel better. When you read a book, be proud of your accomplishment. It takes effort and commitment.
Get help if you are depressed, maybe even medication for a short period.
Self-hate? Why do you feel that way? What does self-hate feel like? Do you feel it in your stomach? Don't tell yourself stories about yourself that are not true. If there are specific behaviors that make you feel that way, change the behaviors.
It takes time. Again, small steps. Do something positive today. Be somebody's friend. Say a kind word to someone who needs it. Finish a task you're been meaning to finish.
If your Dad wants to help, let him. That would be good for both of you.
Take a walk under the night sky away from city. It will remind you what a glorious reality you are a part of.
Life is about risks, but don't take foolish ones. Street drugs and casual sex are not wise, and will provide you nothing of value.
Take risks by dreaming big -- of becoming a doctor, perhaps, or a writer. Then pursue your goals with passion.
Good luck and stay strong.
badheartbison
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Aw, I'm sorry you're going through this:/
Your mom knows something up, right? Talk to her. Have her take you to see someone that you can talk to. This is the only way you can ever get completely normal. Depression's too hard to fight alone sometimes. It took me a while to give in & finally accept this, but if you do, you'll be your old self again sooner than you think. :)
Most likely they'll just give you an antidepressant unless you've got like a combination (like ADD & depression). If I didn't do what I just told you to do, I would still be in your place. Well, almost. I'd suggest Lexapro btw. If they suggest something else, tell them you would prefer Lexapro. If you're having problems with anxiety or sleep it's real good for that also. Trust me, it's the one you want, and probably the one they'll offer.
They'll probably give you a checklist when you go or just ask you a bunch of questions, but here's some background information you should know about depression, the symptoms, & the treatment before you go:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
Anyway, it might take a while for the appt. to roll around, so just hang in there. I know it seems impossible, but things WILL get better. Stay strong.
& if you ever needa talk, I'm hereeee.
Good luck! :D
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I went through the same thing when I was 14. I was so far depressed that nothing anyone could say made me feel better. Although I wasn't lashing out exactly as you were, ( i took most of it out on my mom) I was very deeply depressed. You have to start thinking about what there is to love about life, instead of what there is to not love. You also have to sit down and think about exactly what you're angry about. Anger is depression turned inside out, (is what I hear). There must have been something that has happened to make you feel the way you do about your life. Find out what it is, talk about it to someone..no matter what it is..get it out. Then learn to forgive yourself or whoever was involved, and start looking forward to your future instead of your past.
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