Member Since: September 14, 2009
Answers: 7
Last Update: January 31, 2010
Visitors: 1038
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i have a problem.
i cant decide what to do this summer.
i want to go to this program in the galpagos islands but i feeling like il be a loner there.
i went to a camp before and i did not have so many friends. but i cant stay home so what do i do?
im not very good at maknig friends.
please help, anything at all is appreciated. (link)
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Go to the Galapagos Islands. It would be the experience of a life time. Go to experience all the wonderful creatures on the islands. If you make a couple friends along the way, so much the better. But don't make that the goal.
badheartbison
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I don't know why, but I always feel inadequate in front of my friends. I always look at myself and tell myself that I do have substance, but I feel that I come short in front of people. I never feel that I'm smart enough, successful enough, lucky enough, happy enough, or even pretty enough. I've had this inferiority complex for as long as I can remember, and although I try to overcome it by positive self talk or exercise, the feelings keep coming back. Whenever I try to have an optimistic outlook for the future, something negative happens. It's like happiness isn't meant to be for me. A person can be persistent for so long, and I do know that some people have to work harder than others, but I'm afraid my work will not pay off. There is always something inside me telling me that companionship is not in my future. How can I rid these feelings of inadequacy? (link)
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I don't know how old you are, but I'll bet a lot of those "smart, lucky, successful enough" people you compare yourself to have many of the same thoughts. It's not uncommon at any age.
When such thought arise, how do they feel? Like a sinking feeling in your stomach? Just what? The feeling, and even the thought itself, has some deeper root. Try tracing it back. When's the first time you felt like this? Why?
We all tell ourselves stories. It's like a tape recording running in our head. The truth is, these stories are often not true, or only somewhat true.
"My life has been full of terrible misfortune," Mark Twain the writer said, "most of which never happened." So it goes with stories we make up about ourselves.
You worry about your hard work not a paying off. It will pay off, in time, but maybe not in ways you expect or even fully understand. Such is the mystery. Stay open to it all.
There once was a football coach who was fired from a college job. His dream job, he thought. It was devastating.
But 20 years later, he was one of the top coaches for the Green Bay Packers when that team won the Super Bowl. If he had not been fired years before, there would have been no Super Bowl for him.
Your friends have the same insecurities you do. Start by being your own best friend, and come to know your best friend well.
badheartbison
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I think I'm depressed. Almost a year ago I tried to kill myself and now the anniversary is coming up on October 29th. I'm scared, I'm taking risks like hitchhiking, going to raves,doing drugs and drinking, and having random hookups that make me feel disgusting the next day. I'm so young (I'm 14! People call me mature though)to be this fucked over. This morning my mom recommended that I drop out of school becasue I'm just not trying anymore. I used to be smart, and I barely had to put in any effort. Now I don't put in any. At all. I have a C in English, that used to be my best class. My relationships are falling apart, I'm confused about my sexuality... I am not talking to my Dad though I think he wants to help. I hate self hate but I'm finding it hard to stay positive. Any advice you have for me is loved and appreciated. (link)
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You certainly sound depressed. It might seem like the end of the world, but it isn't. YOU can make the changes you need.
First, tell your parents you need some help and guidance. Ideally, they will be supportive. Or talk to a counselor at school or call a mental health center. Find a counselor you feel comfortable with. Search until you find the right one.
Then take things in small steps. Cut out the negative behaviors, they will only add to the problem. Replace them with things that are positive.
I don't think there is any such thing as "used to be smart." You are still smart, you have just hit a rough spot. You have merely forgotten all your fine qualities. Remember them. Write them down.
Again, small steps. You are good in English, probably because you like English. Write a journal. Write about your problems, write about ways you can solve them. Write letters to the people in your life (but don't mail them). Ask them anything you want, tell them anything you want. See want that reveals.
Read. There is a whole world of experience in books. You don't have to learn all the hard lessons alone. Other people are always available to help you, through books. Or just read a book because it makes you feel better. When you read a book, be proud of your accomplishment. It takes effort and commitment.
Get help if you are depressed, maybe even medication for a short period.
Self-hate? Why do you feel that way? What does self-hate feel like? Do you feel it in your stomach? Don't tell yourself stories about yourself that are not true. If there are specific behaviors that make you feel that way, change the behaviors.
It takes time. Again, small steps. Do something positive today. Be somebody's friend. Say a kind word to someone who needs it. Finish a task you're been meaning to finish.
If your Dad wants to help, let him. That would be good for both of you.
Take a walk under the night sky away from city. It will remind you what a glorious reality you are a part of.
Life is about risks, but don't take foolish ones. Street drugs and casual sex are not wise, and will provide you nothing of value.
Take risks by dreaming big -- of becoming a doctor, perhaps, or a writer. Then pursue your goals with passion.
Good luck and stay strong.
badheartbison
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My mother is a narcissist and used to abuse me emotionally and psychologically. I just came to college a few weeks ago hoping to heal somewhat from that by being in a different environment. However, my roommate has similar issues with her mom, and when she calls her on the phone I can hear a lot of their conversation. It brings back memories and makes me feel the feelings all over again and it is very uncomfortable. I don't know how to make myself feel better when instances like this arise.
When I found out that her family was like mine, I thought it might be nice because we could share our experiences. We did that once, and I didn't even say a lot. But I started panicking and my hands were shaking. I had to go to the bathroom and calm myself down.
If anyone has any advice on any of these issues, I would greatly appreciate it. Thanks! (link)
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Finding a good therapist sounds like an important step. And by the way, don't feel like you need to work with just any therapist. If there is no connection, find someone else. You take charge.
It sounds as if your mother is deeply troubled. But you are not your mother's emotions, no matter how it might seem.
When you begin to experience the emotions you describe, can you find that part of your mind that simply watches? You know that says, "Okay I'm beginning to feel anxiety. So why am I feeling this anxiety? What is it about the situation that is causing me anxiety? Is it merely a button my mother pushes or something else? Where do I feel the anxiety? In my hands, my stomach?"
Then use this watchful mind to discover what you are really feeling. Is it anger? Is it shame? Think about its root. What is it that makes you feel this way? Chances are, it's a story you've been telling yourself that isn't even true. But it's a story you have heard so often it merely seems like the truth.
It's as if someone has been saying for a long time that you have webbed-feet. But finally taking off your shoes will show that's clearly not the case. It's now time to remove the shoes, so to speak.
Your mother has no earthly way of knowing who you really are. As a narcissist, she would not have enough compassion to know, and probably little real interest in understanding you or anyone else.
You can find ways to turn off that false tape running in your head and see your life in a more accurate light. You no doubt have many wonderful qualities. You obviously have goals and talents or you wouldn't be in college.
Don't get stuck in your mother's story. Today, you will begin to live your own story.
Here's an exercise that might help. Write your mother a letter. This is not a letter you will actually mail, but ask her whatever you would like. Then tell her whatever you like. Use whatever language you want. This can be a one-page, or a letter of a thousand pages. You can write it in 10 minutes or over 10 months.
This might help you to better understand where your mother's distorted feelings end and where your own feelings begin.
Do this without hatred or malice or ill-will, if you can. Do it in a spirit of compassion, for yourself especially, but also for your mother.
But be resolved not to live a lie told by your mother, or by anyone else.
badheartbison
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15/f
i like this boy who is a swimmer and he is a year older than me and he is really hot but the problem is, we have never once talked before. i'm pretty sure he doesn't even know who i am. i asked him to be my friend on facebook randomly, he goes to my school. he is not very social, and he has a twin brother who i hear is his best friend. sometimes i see him at lunch, he sits a table away from me with an asain boy (also a swimmer), and they barley talk. he is really shy. its really weird, we look at eachother sometimes and make eye contact, but thats all. we've never said hi. the people i sit with at lunch dont know i like him. i really want to say hi and talk to him or something but i dont know if he'll think im weird or something or i don't know. will he? is that weird to do? since we totally dont know eachother? were not in any classes together. i also wanna talk to him on facebook chat or something but i don't know what to say. any ideas? i saw him going into art one time and i'm in art too so i could be like hey i saw you holding a sketchbook, do you like art? but i don't know if that's weird to like randomly say. help please!!! anything will help. (link)
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Next time, smile at him, if it suits you to do so, and say hello.
See how he responds. If he blushes, he is probably just very shy. If he doesn't react and says nothing, it may be something more profound --something that has nothing to do with you. But that will be valuable information in its own right.
If it suits you to do so, ask him a question. Maybe something like, "Can I ask you something? Are you an artist? I ask because I've noticed you carry a sketchbook."
Do not feel "weird." There is nothing weird about being curious or interested. Or friendly for that matter.
If he snubs you, don't take it to heart. A negative response would be more a reflection of him than you. And it will tell you he's probably not the person you had hoped. But no matter his response, don't allow it to scare you away from other opportunities or relationships that may await you, but lack only a curious inquiry or a simple act of kindness to get the ball rolling.
There is no shame in reaching out to someone, even when it feels a little scary.
badheartbison
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my best friend died on father's day which was about 2 months ago she was only f18 at the time and iam 20 years old and I have been actring different ever since the death my best friend that i've been friends with ever since 5th grade and I donk't understand why Gabby had to die so young. I've already tried to commit suicide twice since it happened it's just that I feel nobody loves me becouse I was molested when I was 3and then my parent's divorced after that becouse my mom found out what my dad did to me, and then my dad died when I was 12, then my granny died when I was 17 and then my cousin who I was very close to got mad at me and won't talk to me anymore and now my best friend that have been friends with since 5th grade dies I just don't feel loved at all please help me. (link)
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You have had some real shocks. It is not surprising you feel depressed.
Becoming "undepressed" is a process. It takes time. What do you enjoy? What did you enjoy in the past? Maybe start there on your healing.
Life often seems to run in cycles. Sometimes, it seems almost too much to bear. Other times, your heart will be filled with abundance.
You may feel unloved; but that does not mean you are unlovable. You will find out. Stay open, even when it hurts. There is always something to learn, something that will help you grow. You are not unlovable, and no one has deserted you. They died, and it had nothing to do with you.
You might consider prescription medication, just to get through the rough spot you have hit. Talk to your doctor.
Perhaps exercise would be helpful. Booze and streets drugs will not help. Walks under the open night sky, away from city lights, where you can see the grand sweep of the universe is helpful in gaining some perspective. Maybe you will see how lucky we are even to be part of such a glorious place.
There is an old Indian story about life and death. When the Creator sends you to earth, he puts pebbles in your hand and folds your fingers around them. For some, there are many, for others, only a few. No one knows how many he or she was given. These are your days in this life.
Perhaps there were only a few because that's all a person needed to learn the lessons of this life. For others, there are many, not necessarily because they are better people, but because the lessons of this life required more time.
What your dad did was a bad thing. But that doesn't make you are a bad person. You were a victim, and like all victims, you can heal.
Grieve for those who are gone. But say goodbye. There destiny is elsewhere, but yours is still here.
Take a small step toward wholeness today. Take another tomorrow. And be proud of your progress, no matter how slight it might seem. Life takes courage, and you have the courage. In time, you will look back over your shoulder and marvel at how far you have come.
A wise person once told me that what's important in life is the good you do, and the spirit in which you do it. I think that is right. That doesn't make life easy. But it is not without meaning.
badheartbison
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f/18
okay so here is my problem... I had my peirod two weeks ago and normally they are a good 4-6 days but mine was only two days and i just spotted for 2-3 days after and week ago I noticed my boobs started to hurt. I dont know if it could be pregnancy or something else cause i have also been more moody than normal and i sometimes feel bloated. Im trying not to jump to conclusions so what other thigns can cause these symptoms? (link)
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Time to visit a doctor. It could be a variety of things, including pregnancy. The better the information, the better the decision.
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