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humorist-workshop
Is it possible/appropriate to be friends with your professors?
I'm a college student, and have gotten close to one of my professors. I go to a small school where such things are encouraged, and there is nothing overtly “fishy” going on--I'm never going to take a class with this professor again, and there's nothing romantic or sexual going on. However, our relationship/friendship/whatever seems to cause me a certain degree of turmoil.
I don't have any family in the area, so I stayed with her family over spring break. I also nannied for her children over the summer and occasionally went with her family on weekend vacations. Now I occasionally go to her house for dinner or babysit her kids.
The problem is that I feel this professor’s affections are very fickle. Sometimes she’ll call or email and be really interested and engaging. Other times I’ll stop by her office or send her an email and she is disinterested or even mean. Because we aren’t really equals, I don’t feel comfortable bringing this up with her; plus there isn’t really a way I can reciprocate (I can’t, for example, invite her to my tiny dorm room for dinner).
I wonder sometimes why she is interacting with me at all, but I don’t feel comfortable asking her (frankly, I don’t think she’d give me a straight answer). Is she using me for my babysitting skills? Am I pumping up her ego or fulfilling her “good deeds” quota?
So. Is this okay? Is there a tactful way to address my concerns? I'd appreciate the viewpoints of both students and teachers.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Work/School Relationships?
I've had teachers that I have special relationships with and others I have nothing but platonic relationships with. I had this one teacher who was so scatter brained that some days he'd treat me like I wasn't there and other days he would be very friendly. Consider that she is an (older I assume) busy woman and has good/bad days.
But does it seem like she's friendly when she needs a babysitter? Don't let her misguide you if she considers you more of a student and helper than a friend.
I would suggest inviting her to dinner at a restaurant some where for an occasion or just to "Catch up" and see how she reacts. Let her know how you enjoy talking to her and the friendship and see how she responds. You can continue to be working partners in class and even outside but if there isn't a friendship relationship there then don't be dissapointed. Just make the terms clear for both of you.
Good luck,
-Abby
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