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I shouldn't be tempted but I am..
19/f
I've been with my bf for almost a year now, and he's incredible: kind, funny, sweet, smart, ect. We have a healthy sex life and it feels like I'm in love with my best friend. Our relationship isnt lacking in the least.
Recently, though, my ex asked me to be back on speaking terms with him. He's known as a man-whore, and the whole reason we broke up in the first place was because he's a known cheater. We've begun talking and I feel really weird about it.
I have no romantic attraction to my ex at all, but there's something that's compelling me to get physical with him (which he's trying to do). I've been able to deny him for a few weeks but I'm really afraid my resolve is getting thin.
I do NOT want to cheat on my bf, and I feel horrible for even thinking about it. I just need to convince myself that my ex is a scumbag, but for some reason I'm still drawn to him.. I don't know why.
Please don't attack me. I feel guilty enough and I haven't cheated on anyone ever. My bf is the LAST PERSON I would EVER want to hurt. So I need some assurance that I can get through this, and advice on how. Thank you.
-M
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
You know your ex. He's a familiar thing and now that he is trying to get with you, you seem to remember only good things. Don't get me wrong, you mentioned you know he's a man whore and a cheater and you don't want to be with him mentally only physically. It is sadly a part of human nature. People don't WANT to overindulge in food or alcohol... it just happens.
Here's what you can do.
#1 make a list of every fight, and bad thing he did. Write down exactly how it felt when he cheated and you broke up. Make an Ipod playlist of all the sad music you listened to when you were trying to heal. You'll never feel as bad as you did when it actually happened, but you have to remember what a scumbag he was... and how people can view you if you cheat yourself.
#2 cut all ties with him, don't let the temptation to cheat even be there. The main reason he is probably trying to talk to you now is because he knows you are happy and honestly doll, happiness is the best revenge.
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Have you ever heard of oxytocin? It's a hormone that's released in the brain when you have sex with someone. One of it's effects is to bond you to the person you're having sex with. It's also responsible for bonding women to their babies when nursing.
Women produce much more of this hormone than men. It's what gives you that warm, fuzzy feeling about your partner during and after sex. When oxytocin is released in your brain during sex. The look, sound, and smell of your partner is imprinted on your brain.
After that, whenever you see, hear, smell, or even think about that partner, a bit of oxytocin is released in your brain making you want him again.
If you remain in contact with your ex, you're going to keep getting releases of oxytocin. Cut contact and eventually the effects will go away. It can take months or even years for these effects to go away depending on how long you were with him, and how close you two were.
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First off, cut contact with him. Have you ever heard the saying "out of sight, out of mind"? Well, in this case it works. Yes, you will probably still think about him pretty regularly for the first week or two, and you will have to resist the urge to call him, but after that it will get easier and easier to resist the urge and eventually you will stop thinking about him as much. Just think about what your boyfriend would do and say and how hurt he will be if he found out every time you want to call him.
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