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Should I break up with him? Or try harder?
I have been dating my boyfriend for just on fourteen months now. He is perfect. When I say this I mean it. He treats me with more respect I could have ever thought possible there is never a moment he isn't complimenting me or telling me that he loves me. He does everything I ask of him and never ever complains. He never yells at me, has never ever called me a bad name, not even stupid or idiot - nothing. But having him has come at a price, he is so attached and so in love with me that we often spend most of our free time together, this has resulted in me losing the majority of my friends and even had friends present me with an ultimatum, them or him. I'm nearly 20 years old, so immaturity really shouldn't be an excuse for my friends. But I can't round it down to anything else.
But now all I have left in my life is him. I don't know what to do. I have stayed in this relationship mainly for him because he loves me so much and because I know what it would do to him if I were to end it. But I'm not happy. I have grown increasingly depressed over the past year and have found myself conpletely socially isolated overweight and extremely lonely. I was once very socialble I had a large group of friends and was pretty much known for going out and having a good time.
I did love him, but my life has morphed into something I hate and I am starting to resent his love rather than cherish it. EVERYONE says that we are perfect for each other. That we were made for each other. And I used to think that too. When we hug I fit in perfectly, we always agree and have so much in common. But I think its unfair for me to feel like I have to stay with him because he loves me. I need to feel as though I love him too, but all I feel is resentment.
Should I stay with him? He is perfect in every way and i know there are hardly any men out there that would treat me as well as he does. Or is it unfair to both of us if I stay?
Please help, I can't sleep over this.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
don't string him along. tell him you love being with him, but you are young, and feeling trapped and lonely and miserbale. if he's such a good boyfriend, he''l let you hang out with your friends a lot more. also, what about his friends, doesn't he want to hang out with them? that could be part of the problem.
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Have you really tried to find a compromise with your boyfriend where you can have both your friends and him? Do you feel that is worth a shot?
The simple truth is, this guy is going to lose you if he doesn't work on his clinginess and co-dependence . (He will also loose most other women because of this. Most people aren’t okay with this sort of relationship in the long term. It’s lonely, and it’s a lot of pressure.)
Have you told him that this issue could bring on the end of the relationship?
You should. Straight up.
Tell him you aren’t happy because an aspect of your life is missing.
Tell him the reason this aspect of your life is missing is because you felt you couldn’t have it and keep him. (Don’t blame him, it’s not a case of “You MADE me give it up!” it’s a case of “I made the choice to give it up, because I thought I couldn’t have it, and you.”
Tell him you can’t carry on and be happy without integrating some of your old social events back into your life.
Tell him if you can’t be happy, eventually your relationship will fall apart and your feelings for him will die.
Be kind and firm and direct when you tell him this.
Then MAKE A PLAN.
Start small: It can be as simple as declaring that you will spend one night a week hanging out with other people. It’s best if you invite him along at first, but remind him that there will be times when he NOT invited, and that he needs to be okay with that. For a month or so, stick to the plan. Leave it at ONLY what you told him it would be, one night a week, if that is what you decide.
At the same time, very gently encourage him to make his own plans. Is there a class he’s always thought about taking? A friend he hasn’t seen in ages? Gently push him towards these things by letting him know that you want him to be able to be happy in his life beyond just being your boyfriend too! Be open to sharing the burden financially and giving him the time and space to explore some things that are ‘just for him’.
This isn’t a perfect solution. Your relationship might still die. But if you think you have a real shot, then you should have the honest and difficult conversations, and at least try to come to new balance in your relationship.
On a bit of a side note:
Your friends are being immature in giving you an ultimatum, but after fourteen months togeather, it is fair for the other people in your life to expect you to have struck some sort of balance between your relationship with them and your boyfriend. If you were happy with your balance, I'd say, tell your friend to shove it. But you aren't. So they have a point, even if the way they expressed it was immature.
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