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Help! I'm becoming a snoop.
Early on in our relationship, my now live-in boyfriend of 1.5 years admitted to me that he had cheated on almost every girlfriend he had ever had. But since we fell in love a few months later, he swears up and down that I am different - that he would never cheat. He says he loves me, respects me, and that we have a long future together. To my knowledge, he has never given me a reason not to believe him.
Despite all this, I find myself becoming more and more suspicious of him as time goes by. I secretly look at photos of his old girlfriends on his computer, I google them, and I am especially obsessed with one old flame in particular - a girl I know he has cheated with in past relationships. I look at her blog, dream about them together, and have even started doing things in the bedroom that I remember him saying she used to do. I know that he isn't seeing her right now, but I am obsessed with the fact that they might have cheated on me in the past, or might again in the future. Things have even gotten so bad that even I search through his email for her name.
I hate what I am doing, but I can't seem to stop. My friends say that I am worried about getting more serious with him - closer to marriage, etc. - and that it makes me worry more about his cheating. But I don't think this is an excuse for the kind of behavior that I'm engaging in! I need advice to help me trust my loving boyfriend, and to stop these awful, snoopy habits. Please help!
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He wouldn't have been truthful with you about playing other girls if he was playing you. Men, and sometimes even women, tend to hide little facts like that because of the consequences that it might take in their relationship, (Especially if they are still messing around.) I think you shouldn't worry at all. The only thing you can really do is keep trying to convince yourself that you're the one he wants. I admitted to my boyfriend the other day that I used to talk to other guys when I dated my other boyfriends. That right there could give him automatic rights to be suspicious because he thinks, "Well, why am I better than her exes?" Don't worry and trust him. That's the foundation of relationships. If that goes, you may give him a reason to stray away. I hope I helped.. :)
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It's perfectly normal to doubt a previous "players" actions when your not around. Just sit him down, talk to him and say. Look I know I can trust you with anything, and you are a great boyfriend, but knowing about your past, I sometimes question wether or not you've cheated on me in the past.
See where that conversation gets you, and hopefully he'll reassure you.
Hope I helped :)
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You're correct in thinking that what your friends say is an excuse. Friends are more apt to sugar coat what you're doing because they are biased towards you.
This is totally unhealthy. If you can't trust him, then you shouldn't be with him. You are wasting his time and yours.
You expect honesty and loyalty from him, and you need to give him the same in return.
Tell him everything.
Hell, show him what you typed here, if you must. However you go about it, you need to be honest with him about your snooping and obsessions with his ex girlfriend. See where things go from there.
Because, I must be honest here and say that it's only been a year and a half. Are you willing to continue this charade forever?
31/f
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