|
Death
Hi..
I'm 21 years old - Female. I live at home in a small country town in Australia with my grandparents who raised me from a new born and my boyfriend of 4 years.
My grandfather was 58 (due to turn 59 in a months time) He worked all his life and on the 1st of August he suffered from a very bad stroke. He was a very fit and healthy man and my whole life I have never known him to be unwell apart from the usual common cold.
He was air lifted to our capital city the day it happen as we do not have the facilities in our town to deal with such extreme illnesses. He arrived in the city an hour and a half before we got there (we had to drive ourselves) when we arrived and got to see him he was still unconsious with tubes down his throat and cords everywhere.
The second time I saw him for that night his pulse stopped but they revived him.
In the mean time he suffered from Pnemonia and was paralysed down the right side of his body. He fought so hard to stay alive the whole time he was there.. They put a trachie in his throat so his airways wouldn't close up.
After four long weeks they told us that he was not going to survive and if he was to pull through he would be a vegetable. They took the trachie out and he was air lifted back to our small country town into the hospital.
At this stage I was out of town but I was determined to come home, I had a bad feeling and I knew where my place was. I came home that night and the next day being Sunday the 30th went to the hospital. We sat with him for 2 hours, my nanna (his wife) told him that if he needed to go.. he should go. Within a matter of seconds he took a deep breath and a sigh of releif and passed away peacefully.
His funeral was yesterday, over 600 people came to his service then to the cemetary to give their last goodbyes. I lowered his coffin into the ground as there was no one else who would do it.
I guess the advice I am needing is in regards to my emotions.. I can't feel anything. I can't cry.. I seemed to have just continued to live my life without any sort of... I'm not sure what the word is but I feel guilty for not being able to cry when everyone is around me.
I know that everyone deals with things differently but my grandfather and I were extremely close and I just can't seem to come to terms that he's not coming home. My grandmother is extremely unstable and we have had so many visitors in and out of the house.. I feel in a way that I know she is not able to cope so it is now my duty to fill those shoes of my grandfather.
Don't get me wrong I have cried for him, I balled my eyes out over him when he passed away and sat with his dead body for hours afterwards, I couldn't bare to leave his side but I cannot cry anymore.
I'm scared that I will continue ignoring it and it will hit me all at once weeks or even months later.. Is this normal? Has this happened to anyone before?
Any answeres would be much appreciated. Thank you.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
IT's normal. I have been threw that. My grandmother died when i was nine. I didn't cry the first two or three weeks but than i just burst out in tears all over my bed.
]
It's absolutely normal. Death affects people in different ways, and everyone handles it differently. I'm sure it just hasn't hit you hard yet, and it'll hit you eventually.
You have no reason to feel guilty about this. Just know that it will hit you.
I'm very sorry for your loss.
]
More Questions: |