|
Friend who is pregnant...
Forgive me this is a bit long but please listen..
I have a friend who is 7 weeks pregnant, We have been friends for 13 years. She is not married, Lives at home with her parents and is always asking me for money to help with her gas or too pay for her when we go out.
Since she told me she was exspecting her first child which was about 4 days ago, I have not wanted anything to do with her only because she is not ready to have a child and I am not happy with the decision of her keeping it..However it is her life and she is 23 years old and old enough to make her own choices. Before I found out she was pregnant I have not talked to her in some time because she hasn't been the best of friend to me for a few months now she has lied to me, betrayed me and even talked badly about me behind my back. I know for a fact if I continue to be friends with her all I am going to hear is how she is exspecting this baby etc.. and I frankly don't really want to hear it as I have my own issues and problems in life. I do not know how to tell her I no longer wish to be her friend and I think we should part ways, I don't want to come across as shallow but I have my reasons for not wanting contact with her she is also the type of person where I need to be straight forward with her to get the point across.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Miscellaneous category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Random Weirdos?
You've pretty much already made up your mind here.
The final things to do are:
Stop caring if she perceives you as shallow or cruel. That's way beyond your control.
Gently prepare any common friends for the change.
Let her know in a clear, but not cruel way, what your decision is.
Some people will say you obligated to give her your reasons, but I don't feel anybody really needs to justify themselves when it comes to cutting ties with a fair weather friend. It's just a matter of sticking to a single simple message, and not letting yourself get embroiled in any arguments. Arguments with people you don't respect anyways are completely pointless, especially after you've already made up your mind. You'll never make them see it the same way as you do.
The trick to getting someone to accept this message is to make it about you, not about them. So no judgment, and no complaints against her character. In your shoes, this is the kind of message I would give her:
"Although I've enjoyed our friendship in the past, right now I'm struggling with my own life and have been finding our friendship very difficult to maintain. I don't believe we can provide for each others needs right now, we are just in very different and difficult places in life. So I have decided that I am not going to continue with this friendship any longer. I want to wish you best of luck with the pregnancy and all possible happiness."
That second last sentence is the power one, and the one you repeat as much as necessary. "I have decided" can't be argued with. People try to change the subject, to make you justify WHY you've decided, but if you don't let it go there, the simple statement of a decision will eventually be accepted.
Of course, this is only necessary IF she keeps seeking you out for friendship. After telling you about her pregnancy, she might go back to being silent. It's just one of those things people feel the need to tell everyone. If you hadn't spoken for months before that conversation, I'd just let it lie, and see if she goes away on her own, without you telling her too.
]
It's rude of you to judge her and say she isn't ready to have a baby. Like you said, it's her life so let her make her own decisions and don't chastize her for it. It really doesn't matter if you are not happy with her decision, because it's not your decision to make. And you would be suprised about how quickly a baby MAKES you grow up, whether you are ready for it or not.
Anyways, if you don't want to be friends with her, then don't be. You don't have to call her up and say, "Hey, I don't like you anymore, so I don't think we should hang out." Just decline her offers to hang out, and gradually stop answering her phone calls. It's that simple. You all aren't children, you are adults. So start acting like one. :)
...And I did read what you wrote. That doesn't change my answer in any way, shape, or form.
]
More Questions: |