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am i overreacting?
My boyfriend and I lost our virginity to each other after our one year anniversary about a month ago. This probably doesn't sound new to anyone, but our first time wasn't really as special as i thought he would try to make it (I wasn't expecting candles and chocolate or anything, I just thought he would spend the night or be more romantic), and he could tell i was upset because i was acting strange for a few days but I didn't want to try and talk with him about it because I'm not really a demanding girlfriend and our relationship is pretty relaxed; we barely even fight. But anyway when he confronted me, that led to us talking about our relationship and feelings and whatnot (which we never normally do, we don't really have a intense relationship). He said that I'm really special to him and that he doesn't know what love exactly is, and i just kind of played along like it wasn't a big deal because once again, our relationship is pretty chill and I didn't want him to know that deep down I'm pretty sure that I love him. And I really do understand that he doesn't know what love is; I don't really have a concrete definition myself (we're both only 18) so that doesn't seem to bother me.
So I'm not sure why every time we spend a night together having sex, I wake up the next day and I can't go about my normal day without crying, because I know that he cares about me but he would probably think I'm crazy or feel guilty if he knew how confused I felt about this, and I don't want to do anything to put pressure on him or mess up our relationship. Everything is perfectly fine between us, so my initial solution is to just get out all my upset feelings in private so I don't dump any baggage on anyone. I don't even know how I feel about any of this because half of the time I feel upset, and the other half I feel embarrassed for feeling upset over something so stupid; I tell myself that I'm overreacting, so I don't know why I feel so disoriented. Has anyone else ever felt like this? Is there anything I can do to make myself feel better or am I just overreacting?
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To me it doesn't even sound like a relationship. What is a relationship without communication? I understand you guys are dating & that the relationship is relaxed, but if you can't talk about things that are bothering you, then you can't talk about anything really.
Problems within the relationship won't get better if you can't confront your partner & talk it out. If you guys really like each other, then talking it out will only help your relationship.
However, if you don't think you can commnunicate with him about it, then I'd just break up. I know you love him, but if you guys can't talk something like this out then the relationship won't ever get better & it'll only go downhill from here.
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You can be chill/relaxed and honest at the same time. It sounds like both of you are just leading each other on and waiting for something better to come. Maybe he feels like you don't love him, so he's trying to play it smoothe like you're doing.
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You need to comunicate if your realationship is as good as you say then it wont hurt it it will help.
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