|
I started cutting again and I'm looking for some positivity.
I used to be what they call a cutter. I've been good and "clean" for about 9 months now. (I was never "emo" so comments referring to this topic like that are really unnecessary.) It was a security thing, really, and after about 3 years of hiding it I realized the only way to stop would be to tell people and get professional help. I REALLY didn't want to tell anyone, so I kind of let them find out for themselves. See, instead of cutting on my thighs or my stomach, like I normally did for those past three years, I started on my wrist so people would notice. Oh, they did notice and my parents got me the help I really needed.
I got over it and found better ways to cope. I've been coping through exercise, music, and just being positive about living no matter the situation. On saturday night I got really stressed out though. I had these plans to go somewhere with some new friends, I didn't actually want to go in the first place, but I didn't want anyone telling me that I couldn't go. Well, my dad took my car keys and wouldn't let me go because he didn't know the people really well. I understood, it was better that I didn't go anyway, but I got really pissed.
So, I kept going up to my room and thinking about cutting. The first 3 or 4 times I actually stopped myself and I went back downstairs to the TV room so I wouldn't do anything I might regret later. Eventually it got to the point that I couldn't hold off and everything was building up inside. I kept thinking about the rush, satisfaction, and release that I associate with cutting myself. I picked up my old evil habit and let the frustration run out of my veins. Now, I'm so disappointed in myself that the habit seems like the only way to make myself feel better. The craving is very strong right now because I feel bad that I did it in the first place. I know that continuing this path is destructive though and I should keep fighting these urges off.
I'm seeing my shrink at the end of this week, but for now I need some words of advice. I'm just annoyed about it, and the new cuts (on my leg and torso) aren't even deep at all, thankfully. I'm just afraid I'll keep doing it and they'll get deeper like they did before. Positive thoughts?
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Health & Fitness category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Health?
Although ive never cut myself (i thought of it but i couldnt stand the sight of blood),i used to scratch my arms and legs when i was depressed in middle school and the beginning of high school because of my weight i was unhappy and used to scratch myself as a release,This sounds silly but i watched an oprah show on weight and depression and it was almost like a wake up call for me i realized how im lucky to have the life i have and the people who are in my life.So i started to lose weight and stopped scratching myself and i felt so much better! To take out my frustrations now I write them in a journal i furiously write down what im feeling and after im done i feel so much better.Im starting to write songs now,music is deffinately now my release :) I think you should find your own "release" whether its music or painting a picture take out your frustrations on things that could potentially be something great like a great song or an amazing piece of artwork,just dont take out those frustrations on yourselr no good comes from it.Im glad you realize that cutting yourself is a horrible thing.Next time you see your psychologist tell them what you just told us,and show her your cuts dont leave anything out!Its clear you still have a long way too go but your getting there your getting help and thats awesome! I know youll get through this! Im going to pray for you everyday :)
Let me know how your progressing,id love to hear from you!
♥ danielle
]
Call your psychiatrist's office NOW rather than WAIT until next week. Let them know you aren't in good shape and have begun cutting again and need help. Let them provide it to you and be totally and completely HONEST.
They can help before it comes all consuming and a crisis. You have to see him/her anyway next week so it's best they know right now what's going on so they can stop it from escalating. They're trained to deal with it.
No matter how trivial you think something is it can always become bigger with psychiatric ailments. Deal with it now. That doctor is on call 24/7 to help people who are patients or in crisis they'll respond to what's happening.
Tell your parents what is going on and ask for help. As hard as that may be you need to be it in person or a letter and get that support and professional help. You're in trouble and potentially headed towards crisis.
]
More Questions: |