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boyfriends older cousin
I'm 17 and so is my boyfriend. He has this cousin who's about 30 years old, maybe a little older. Well his cousin hasn't spoken to my bf in about a year and they live five minutes away from each other. Well suddenly his cousin decided to reconnect with my bf and they've been spending every day together for the past week and a half. I honestly wouldn't mind because its family but his cousin is so rude, annoying and racist. My bf quit smoking pot but if he smells it, it makes him want to smoke and his cousin always smokes pot around him. If we're in the car he'll smoke a cigarette and not bother to blow the smoke out the window. We live in an area where there's a large hasidic Jewish community during the summer and it makes the full time residents a little annoyed because it gets really busy and hectic...but most people will never say anything. Well one day my bf and I were driving with his cousin and he starts yelling racist comments out the window.I was so embarrsased! After that he whistled at two 16 year old girls that I used to go to school with..and remember this guy is about 30yrs old. One thing that drove me nuts happened a couple days ago. After being with him all day my bf was supposed to drive his cousin home but instead his cousin wanted to stop by a friends house. I thought we were going to be there for 10 minutes but instead we were in this run down, dirty apartment building for an hour and a half while his cousin got drunk with his friends and then we eventually drove him home after stopping for cigarettes that he saked my bf to pay for. This guy is driving me crazy. He always makes my bf drive him around and do favors for him and my bf just does it because he's too nice to say no. I don't want to tell my bf I hate the guy because that's his family and my bf always is willing to hang out with my family so I'd feel bad but I don't know what to do. I don't want my bf to be taken advantage of.
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Talk to your boyfriend, because if you don't say anything, he won't know that you don't appreciate how his cousin is treating him.
A 30 year old is SUPPOSED to be more mature than that, so obviously he has issues.
Ask your boyfriend if it would be alright if you three didn't all hang out anymore, at least not with you involved, because while it isn't fair to him how the cousin is treating him, it isn't fair to you how he's treating him [and you, for that matter].
--Jack
(17/m)
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Sit your boyfriend down and tell him wat you think becuz honesty is the best policy. Its better to tell him becuz with that uncle of his he can get into serious trouble. Your just concerned for him so if he really does like you he will see that and i hope this helps!
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Hey there,
Okay this guy really does sound like a complete nightmare.
neither of you should have to put up with him
I know you keep saying hes your bfs family but at the end of the day family arent supposed to treat family like that.
all this man does is use your bf,he doesnt care about him.
hes an extremely bad influence on him and you need to do something before he gets him involved in all sorts.
honestly just sit down with your boyfriend and explain what you have here,
say I know (insert cousins name here) is your family but I think hes treating you really unfair and i think hes a really bad influence explain how your not trying to be controlling but your really worried and you hate seeing him being used like that say your sorry but you don't like being around him much as he makes you feel uncomfortable.
because he is your boyfriend he should understand and listen to your concern as you said hes too nice to say no so he probably feels stuck and lost and doesnt know what to do hopefully after this talk you can help him to just tell his cousin to get lost.
if this doesnt work what about your bfs parents?does he have contact with them..if so maybe talk to them about the cousin see how they feel about him also,if they feel the same way then perhaps they can help talk sense into your bf and to get rid of him.
if they all go against you and protest that this guy is family etc,then theres not much more you can do at least you know you tried,but then its time to just take a step back and not interfere. but honestly this is extremely unlikely to happen if the guy is this bad.
my uncle is similar but is alot worse has been in prison and mixed up with drugs,though hes family at the end of the day it doesnt excuse his behaviour hence why none of us have or want nothing to do with him,and thats is own fault.
I hope you see where im coming from and i totally understand how you feel hopefully your boyfriend will too and you can get this sorted =)
Much <3
Jess
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