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Moving Out
I'm 18 years old and I know a lot of people say this but honestly my mum and I have never gotten along. I volunteered to get a job at the age of 16 and have been working ever since, I am now a manager at a fast food place and I get paid $10. I have my own car which I paid for with money I saved up. I am a senior in highschool and plan on going to college. My mum has never approved of any of the choices I've ever made so she feels the need to threaten me whenever I don't wash the dishes or don't adhere to her policy. Taking away the laptop (which I paid for), the phone (which I pay for monthly) and the car (which I paid for) is a constant battle with her. SOOOOO..
I am thinking of moving out. My boyfriend who I've been with since I was 14 and is 2 years older than I has already finished school and has a job, along with money saved up. I have a ton of questions about moving out and the hardships to expect, I work 40 hours a week and get paid $10 an hour, and he works 40 hours a week and gets paid $10.20.
1. Is that going to be enought to get us by?
2. What do we need to know in advance?
3. In what order should we worry about things? (ie: food, furniture, blah blah)
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Want to answer more questions in the Work & School category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Personal Finance?
The other two have covered budgeting pretty well, so anything I say at this point is going to be repetition. There are just a few points that I want to address...
What are your plans for college? Do you have a full ride scholarship? Are you prepared to have serious student debt if not? How are you going to handle the expenses of school when you can't work full-time?
I live in Canada, and tuition is subsidized here. Here's a breakdown of what I pay for a year of school:
Tuition: $7500-$8000 per year.
Books: $1000 a year
Lab fees: $300 a year.
So you're looking at a cost of about $9000-$10 000 a year. I'm in engineering, which is an expensive program, but you'd be looking at at least $6000 more per year.
Keep in mind that earning full-time while going to school is not easy, or even doable depending on what program you're doing. So even if you can get your tuition and books covered, you'll have to cover your living expenses as well on a part-time salary.
Is your boyfriend willing to help you pay for school, and support you while you cannot make full-time wages? It sounds like a silly question, but he may resent having to support you.
Do you want to be put in a position where you have to depend on your boyfriend? I've been there: it sucks. What if he decides to withdraw his support? What if you guys break up (a distinct possibility once you've moved in together)? Then what will you do?
I know I sound super-negative, but you have to look at all these things before making a decision like this.
Oh, and as for taking away things that you've paid for... you live under your mother's roof, and allowing you to have these things and freedoms (even if you've paid for them) is a favour she's doing for you. She is totally within her bounds to take things away from you if you are misbehaving. Just my "old person" perspective.
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1) Its possible. My girlfriend and I share an apartment. 500 a month rent, 75+ electric, water is included, we use prepaid phones to save money and don't have a car payment, and internet is 75.
Food is probably another 800+ a month. Thats going to be the expense that hits you the hardest, it costs money to eat well, and it still costs money just to eat. 800 a month means little eating out and alot of cooking and sandwiches. With two people you can easily spend a grand or more on food a month.
So, 500+800+75+75 = 1450 in money thats spoken for. Thats not including incidental expenses like gas, cigarettes, or fun.
If you're both working 40 hours thats probably 1200 a month each after taxes. With budgeting, planning to shop rather than eat out (it can save you alot more money than you think, plus its healthier) and you can have some money left over to save or put towards something else.
2) What do you need to know?
- Budgeting is important. Keeping track of finances is important. But most important is the ability for you and your boyfriend to compromise on money. My girl and I toss our money into a communal can. We both had no problems with the concept of "its not your money or my money, its _our_ money". Some people don't do as well with that.
- You WILL drive each other insane. Living with someone, especially the first time, is a trial by fire. Neither of you has probably ever had to deal with someone's issues and bad personality traits on a day to day basis. Until you adjust you WILL have issues with this.
Which means you DO have to talk about it before you move in. You need to sit down and look each other in the eye, you need to commit to making this work together and say it out loud, and promise each other that you will do everything in each of your powers to compromise, to control their anger, and to always come back after a fight to talk it out.
- Establish your own separate areas. I live in a tiny ass one bedroom apartment thats cluttered with crap everywhere. My girl and I both have times when we need our alone time, need to be separate. We have our own places to go in the apartment that are "my space" and "her space". I've got my desk, and no one sits here but me if I want to sit here. Its where I retreat to when I need to be alone.
Find a space and make it yours, let him do the same.
3) Order? Bills then food, obviously, then everything else. Keeping a roof over your head is the most important thing. Food is next, as you have to eat. You can stretch a little money a long way though. Spaghetti and sauce is cheap, frozen chicken is cheap, sandwich stuff is cheap, and there are some decent things in the frozen foods aisle. I particularly like the frozen asian meal items, a 3 dollar frozen stir fry meal thats got meat, veggies, and rice isn't a bad deal. Buy some fruit for dessert and you've just spent 4 bucks on dinner. If either of you actually likes ramen, its a good investment for quick lunches or dinners on the go.
Try to maintain three meals a day if you can. Its easy to put on weight simply from not eating right when you live on your own, and its really easy to drop down to one or two meals a day that are badly timed.
Lastly, try to leave peacably with your mother. Express to her that you need your independence, and its time you took that responsibility for yourself. You don't want this to cause a rift between the two of you and you don't want to be unable to come back and visit all the time, but be assertive in that this is your choice and its what you want to do for yourself.
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hey there. I think I can help you out!!
ok, so let me tell you a little about myself.
I name is stephanie, in 21 now, but Ive been living on my own since I was 17. my parents home was a toxic place for me to be. My parents and I got along great! BUT, they didnt get along with eachother at all, and when they decided to split up, they both moved into seperate 1 bedroom apartments...which left me no where to live. They were so selfishly caught up in their divorce, they didnt have time to worry about me. I made a BIG decision that a kid should NEVER have to make, but in the end, I decided the best thing for me to do, was to take care of myself.
ok. so this is where my advice begins.
I dont feel like your mother has ANY right to take the things that YOU pay for. you are an ADULT, if you are paying for your car, then its YOURS and she cant touch it. same with the cell phone, laptop, etc. in this situation, most parents use the "You live under MY roof" excuse.
make it very clear to her that if her behavior with your things does not lighten up, you will no longer be "under her roof". giving her this ultimatum may just me the eye opener that she needs to realize that shes alienating you!
Ive lived on my own for 4 years now, and while Ive never had any trouble paying the bills, my biggest peice of advice to you is IF THERE IS ANY WAY TO STAY HOME, DO IT. but, i know that young people like us have our limits and we can only take so much until we just cant take it anymore.
ok, now
IF YOU DO happen to move out, i want you to know that it CAN be done. I want to be realistic with you, and let you know its going to be VERY HARD. and VERY STRESSFUL. IT is going to take alot of sacrificing on your part and it will put lots of stress on your relationship.
but it can also be the most liberating experience in the world. and it feels great to know that you are supporting yourself and you dont owe anyone for your success! :-)
ok some good tips. the keys to success:
1. whatever you do, dont get ANY credit cards. if you have one already, keep it, but NEVER max it out and start using it for emergency purposes ONLY> too many people I know abused them and now are barely in their 20's and have ruined their credit already. I was smart and NEVER GOT ONE to begin with.
2. be careful with your relatonship with your boyfriend. Chris and I have been together for 5 years and when we moved in together, it made us MUCH closer, and now we are due to be married in december. BUT living together will also give you more things to fight about so be careful. dont let stupid things hurt your relationship.
Chris and I live in a 620 sq ft apartment in the Houston area of Texas. Heres a list of our bills.
(keep in mind I make 10.21 and hour and he makes 12 an hour)
1. rent: $565.00/month
2. electricity on average is about $100 a month
3. my new car is $306.73 /month
4. his new truck is $300.75 / month
5. my insurance is $221 /month
6. his insurance is $151 / month
7. groceries are about $ 150-200 /month
8. cell bill is $132/month
9. gas for both of us is about $180/month
and these are just the necessities. If you want anything extra, like cable or internet, remember thats going to be extra.
also keep in mind, for us to buy everything to furnish our apartment, it cost us about $200 including furniture, dishes, etc.
it can be done. what you need to remember is that the first 6 months you need to watch your money like a HAWK and make sure you are sticking to your BUDGET. this means no going out partying, blowing money on unecessary stuff. after about 6 motnhs, you should be able too look at your expenses and know what you can and can not afford to blow.
bills are the number 1 priority. you can ruin your life if you dont pay them. so spare yourself the trouble, and just pay them. no exceptions.
im very excited for you and I want to be there for you for support!!
email me and we can talk more about it. I can answer any questions, you can ask me anything, and i have more advice to give but this post is getting really long.
im here for ya girl! mail me!
stephanie.ellick@gmail
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