This is driving me insane. The guilt is unbarable. I knew it was wrong and I did it anyways. The worst part about it is I can't stop. I tell myself I'm going to, then I find myself doing it again. I'm scared to get help. I mean, if they knew what I was doing, I thought they'd be able to keep it secret. I can't tell anyone. Instead I just wanna die. My secret will come with me, and I'll never have to worry about doing THAT again. Should I die? I'll at least see my mom...
Additional info, added Monday July 13 2009, 10:50 pm: I keep reliving the day my mother passed, over and over. Like a bad dream. I was on the phone with my friend. (mom was in the hospital at the time) I had a call on the other line. It was the hospital. I ignored it and kept talking. Suddenly, I hear the downstairs door open. I could hear the feint sounds of crying. As my step father came upstairs I shuddered. I came to the stairs and saw him coming up. His face full of tears and all he could say was, she didn't make it, she didn't make it.
I used to go to church all the time. I won't dare step foot in one again. Fuck god. Piece of shit. How could he take her from me, knowing how much I needed her? I have nobody now...
I need to do this. I need to be with the only person who understands me. I'm on my way mom...
alexx117 answered Wednesday July 15 2009, 2:55 am: Please tell me you're still here long enough to read this and please reconsider ending your own life.
You didn't know what the hospital was calling you about. You didn't know. You can not blame yourself for not answering because you know if you had any idea of what the phone call was about you would have hung up on your friend in a second.
Your mother loves you, but she's not ready for you to join her yet. You're so young just beginning the prime of your life and your mother wants to see you enjoying every day. Later, much later, when it's your time you'll be able to see her again. For now you have to keep living and knowing that she's looking down on you smiling. [ alexx117's advice column | Ask alexx117 A Question ]
Cux answered Monday July 13 2009, 7:29 pm: No you shouldn't die. I don't know what your secret is, but nothing is so bad that you have to kill yourself.
Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
I'm sure if you talk with a friend or a counselor, you could work out your problem. Everyone has problems and secrets; it's part of life.
itdependsonyoux3 answered Monday July 13 2009, 5:54 pm: Okay, take a deep breath, slow down. I agree with the previous advice given, everyone has secrets and regrets, and things you want to hide so nobody will ever know anything about it, but those things aren't reasons to end your life. You have SO much to live for, and just think about all of the wonderful things you'd miss if you decided to end your life..
There are many people who love and care about you, and if you just died, you wouldn't just be hurting yourself but you'd also be hurting everyone around you. You can get help ! Just ask someone to see a therapist or psychaitrist of some sort, what you tell them nobody will EVER have to know if you want to keep it confidential. And your mom is watching you, and I'm positive that she wouldn't want you to end your life either over somehting that is making you feel guilty.
Please don't go through with this, you can get help and things will get better. I hope you do the right thing !
Good luck, and I'm here if you need anything else, don't hesitate to inbox me ! hope i helped even a little bit :] xxo. [ itdependsonyoux3's advice column | Ask itdependsonyoux3 A Question ]
xkellxx answered Monday July 13 2009, 5:46 pm: first off, i have no idea what your talking about
second, no you should not die!! everyone has regrets and secrets. you just have to let them go and move past it. as for getting help with whatever your doing, there are all kinds of therapists and such out there and no one will ever have to know about it except for them of course.
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