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I got married to the wrong man! I don't want to be married to him anymore
I'm married and have only been that way about a month or so.
My "husband" is a SERIOUS neutral party.
He rarely speaks, he rarely gets up and goes anywhere aside from work, and more and more I'm finding out just how different we are.
When we got together he put on a jolly good show, but now that he's got the girl...the show's over folks...
Here is my complication.
I live in the states with him.
My BEST FRIEND, is in love with me and has proposed to me countless amounts of times (and still begs me to move overseas to be with him).
He says, if I get there I won't have to worry about where we live or whatever because he will have it taken care of. He says he KNOWS we're meant to be together and that he can make me the happiest woman in the world. I want to be happy.
I love my best friend, and he knows far more about me than anyone on this earth. He's literally prince charming. (Tall, dark, handsome, kind.)
We have the same tastes and have had our fair share of healthy disagreements.
My "husband" (quotations used to emphasis emotional absence) is insanely jealous? Upset? With the fact that we, being my best friend and I, get along so well. He keeps telling me that he wants me to stop talking to my best friend.
It's now been about 2 months since I've seen my best friend. My "husband" wouldn't let my best friend come to the wedding! This is the longest we've ever been without one another. I miss him a lot.
WHAT DO I DO?!
Annulment?
Divorce?
Just Deal?
My "husband" and I have tried to talk it out, and by try I mean...
I express my feelings as he walks around the house cleaning up or whatever. He then says "I don't give a shit anymore!" or "Whatever! Go do your own thing then!" He's even called me selfish on more than one occasion!
...Help?
If there is any..
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This is a very tough situation. I can understand how your husband feels about your best friend - he is the go to person, the one you get along with, the confidant, that your husband feels he should be. Realize that the qualities and characteristics of your friendship between you and your best friend, if present between you and your husband, would probably melt away any problems or tensions you are facing. In other words, you seem to be too close to your best friend, and not close enough to your husband. That alone is going to, perhaps already has, cause tension because you may feel that he should respect you and your friendship with the man, especially because he is your best friend; further, he may feel that the attention, time spent, and quality of time spent should be directed to him instead of another person, and that it should be done because you actually chose to marry him and not your best friend.
There are obviously things that you do not feel comfortable sharing with your husband, or things that you do not feel your husband can provide for you right now - otherwise, he would already be your best friend. Whether to remedy this by choosing to try and save your marriage and let go of your best friend, or vice versa, or even just drop it all together, I am not sure. I would strongly suggest you communicate with both of them, and consider professional marriage counseling. The underlying issues may be ones that can be dealt with using a few weeks of patience and self-awareness, or they could run much deeper and be dealt with by either reaching a compromise, or even not have to do with the fact that you are best friends with another man. Talk this over with your husband as soon as possible. Hope that helped and good luck.
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Why didn't you accept your best friend's proposals when he made them? I don't think you're in love with him, but rather you see him as an out to your marriage.
My advice is to see a marriage counsellor. You've made a lifetime commitment to someone and you need to try your hardest to make this choice work for you.
My guess is you didn't see a pre-marital counsellor before getting married. You and your husband have unresolved issues hurting your marriage. You need them laid out on the table and discussed openly.
1. his jealousy
2. your male best friend who is in love with you
3. the lack of romance and emotions
Your husband is rightly seeing this best friend of yours as a threat to his marriage. And it is a threat, isn't it? This man loves you and wants you to leave your husband. So you can see why your husband would not be keen on the friendship.
Seriously, talk this over with a therapist. No marriage, no matter how short, should be cast aside because of poor communication.
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